Missing The Goose

My mom watched Clara today. Afterwards, Clara and I tagged along with my family to Tempe Marketplace for FHE. We attempted to visit an ASU art exhibit, but it isn't open on Mondays. Shucks. Instead we shopped and ate Chinese at 8pm. By the time we got back, it was after 9pm. My mom convinced me to let Clara sleep over since I'd just be bringing her back first thing in the morning.

Here I am, kidless, and not enjoying it one bit. I get a little selfish when it comes to my time with Clara. Perhaps it's because I work or perhaps it's because she's one awesome child (maybe even both), but I feel like my life is a constant battle to spend more time with Clara. I used to think having a "kid-free" night would be so fun. In reality, there is nothing fun about not getting to put my little turkey to bed and not getting to see this face in the morning:
Missed hugs, kisses, silly comments, cheeks to pinch, hands to hold, hair to soothe, feet to tickle and skin to rub. Not to mention I didn't have anyone talking my ear off on the way home and I won't get to hear a scripture narrated by Clara. Boring. She tells the best scripture stories, by the way. They almost always include Nephi, Laman and Lamo (aka Lemuel) and a princess of some sort. Last night someone got slapped in the mouth. (Not sure where her love of discussing violence is coming from). I am sure, I'll miss her and I long for weeks that include much more Clara time.
PS I am very grateful for my mom's offer, don't get me wrong. Plus, it is much, much more convenient this way and will save me lots of time. I'm just saying, it's hard for me to give up my time with her, even if it is just better for me.

Mother's Day Letters

Dear Jason,
Thank you for making this Mother's Day great. 2+ hours of massages, breakfast in bed, help with dishes, a sweet card and picking up and delivering the bookshelf and 180 pounds of wheat. It was a good weekend.

Dear Connie,
Thank you for birthing and raising said Jason. It is so wonderful being married to a man that respects his wife and honors his priesthood. The longer we're married, the more I think that I couldn't have asked for a better husband for me.

Dear Clara,
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to experience motherhood with you. It has allowed me to experience a happiness I never thought possible and have a greater appreciation for my own mother. Words can not express, nor can the mind fathom, the joy I have been blessed with during the last 3+ years. Nothing on earth could ever compare.

Dear Mom,
Thank you for being my mother. I have learned and continue to learn so much from you. I am especially grateful that you taught me all that you did in regards to the family's role in our divine plan of happiness. By example you instilled within me a testimony of the sacred role of mothers. Of course by doing so, I was able to see you experience the natural by product, joy.

I hope all of you had a great day. You deserve it.

Pictures to be added later... fun, old pictures to be exact, I've heisted my mom's old photo albums.

The Gila Valley Temple

Several months ago, R&K mentioned the date they planned to attend the Open House of the Gila Valley Temple. For several months, I had very good intentions to get reservations for a hotel and tickets for the Open House for the same time. Too bad I am a procrastinator. On Thursday, I was in KS and started talking to Ryan about it. By then, everything was sold out. Enter B&K. They had extra tickets for the Open House and decided not to use their hotel reservations. People should really stop bailing me out when I procrastinate, I learn nothing. I was grateful, nonetheless, that we were able to go on a mini-vacation. We left Friday night and headed to Thatcher. Our room was right next to R&K and every morning I got to see and hold happy babies and Clara got to see Lucy and Elsa. Life would be a party living next door to family. Saturday morning, we decided to stay Saturday night. I told Jason it was the most sporadic thing I've ever done. Clint later asked if I meant spontaneous. Yes, that's exactly what I meant. You see, there is a reason I do everything. A clear, concrete (to me, anyway) reason I do everything. If it involves money, it's even more clear and more concrete. I normally think, analyze, calculate how many hours of work we are wasting, stress over the unexpected expense, etc., until my head hurts. Not this weekend! We told Clara we were staying another night and she asked why. It felt good to answer, "Just for fun." I am working on doing that more often. Sometimes it is good to spend money just to enjoy life. (But only sometimes :)). Jason laughed that our first vacation of the year was to Thatcher, of all places. Honestly, we enjoyed being there because there weren't different things to do and places to go so we were really able to relax and enjoy family time. On Saturday we tagged along with R&K to lunch with her family before going to the Open House.

Of course, the temple was beautiful. Of the physical beauty, I was most impressed with the chandelier* in the Celestial Room. Hopefully they include a picture of it somewhere so people that weren't able to go get to see it. The strongest emotion I had while there, and it actually came during the little intro video they showed, was of the sacrifice the early saints made to have a temple. I take having a temple so close for granted and rarely make a sacrifice to attend. I certainly didn't sacrifice anything to have it or any of the upcoming ones built. I had a renewed desire to sacrifice to attend the temple more and to remember the sacrifice of those that didn't have it so easy.

We ran into Steve & Laschelle, some of my favorites from Snowflake. I was best friends with their only daughter Brittany and sometimes called myself their other daughter. As such, Steve took it upon himself to tell Clara he's her third grandpa. Now she keeps saying "I need to go to Snowflake to bisit my nother bampa". They've promised corn if I come, so maybe next time we're in their neighborhood...

That night we lounged around. Sunday morning we took pictures by the temple and then went to church. I think that's only like the second or third time in my life I have gone to a random ward that I didn't know a soul.

Little did we know the wind would be tornado-ous on Sunday. I didn't mind, I just wanted to make sure to get some picture documentation of our purpose for visiting the area.

I love the mountains with snow in the background.

Things to note...

- I could eat a pound of chips and salsa. I DID eat a pound of chips and salsa!

- I forgot my toothbrush, my blow dryer, bathing suit and shampoo and conditioner. I don't normally forget things when I travel, but I guess that's what happens when I try to pack in 5 minutes. I almost forgot my camera but remembered it, thankfully, 30 seconds after we left.

- We ate 5 pounds of Cuties in less than 24 hours. Yum.

- I have less of a desire to upgrade our Queen size bed to a King. Jason and I don't move much when we sleep so really, sleeping in a King just meant having to scoot farther to cuddle.

- I asked Clara if she liked staying in a hotel. She told me she just wanted to go to her home. Good to know she likes our house even compared to a clean hotel.

- When we decided to stay, I went to Wal Mart to buy some groceries for lunch on Sunday. The only problem was we didn't have an ice chest to keep it cold during church. I got a bag of ice from the hotel, and wrapped that and our food in Clara's blanket. Worked perfectly.

- We were gone for six meals and only ate out twice. Granted two of our meals were the continental breakfast at the hotel, but still. We didn't save a ton of money by doing this but I felt much, much better physically not eating out six meals straight. Restaurant food is so much fattier, saltier and I normally over eat. I was glad we had an alternative.

- Um, that's all.

Life As I Know It

Monday night as I walked into the laundry room after work and stumbled over the shoes that were all over the floor (we have a basket, but somehow the shoes are rarely in it), I thought, My life is nothing like I expected it to be. I started pondering this thought. My conclusion? It's true, my life is really nothing I expected it to be. But who's is?


When I was attending ASU, I remember the first day of my small group communication class. We took the first bit of class time to introduce ourselves, including what our goals after graduation were. Graduate degrees, exciting jobs, business owners, traveling and then me: a mom. (The only other time I solicited that many shocked expressions at ASU was when I explained the reason I was getting my CIS degree was for fun. {But come on, was that any more shocking than my classmate who was a concert pianist and was getting his CIS degree as a backup?})

Anyway, I knew I wanted a family. Even though I wasn't married, I knew filling life with things that matter (family) is what brings true happiness. I had a strong desire to raise and nurture a family. I found my prince charming, finished school and started my career. I enjoyed what I did, but when Clara came along, I was more than ready to really get into the "real" part of life. Everything until then (school, work, etc.) seemed like a filler. It was fun, but it wasn't joy. It seemed having a baby had more purpose than all the things I'd accomplished in the accounting world combined. I experienced joy. Lots of it and it still keeps coming. I worked a little on the side and enjoyed being a mother more than I enjoyed anything in life up to that point. It was rewarding and fulfilling in ways my career could not be. I didn't want to rush into having another kid, but visions of a house full of kids frequented my day dreams. As we know, reality often differs from day dreams.

Time only brought more clients, not more kids. I didn't plan that, not at all. I chose the first part, but I think it was somewhat of a subconscious fall back plan since the other part wasn't working out the way I had hoped. However, as I stumbled over shoes thinking about this, I also concluded that I am happy. Happy because I have learned to take time when making decisions I have control over and not waste time worrying about things I don't have control over. Someday the client count will go down and the kid count will go up, but until then, I can and do enjoy life as it comes.
On our way home from Snowflake a few weekends ago, I attempted to take a picture of the beautiful blue sky (by sticking my camera out the window as we were going 70 MPH) and accidentally captured this shot. I love it.

Vicious Cycle

Every now and then, my sleeping patterns get extremely out of control. I am up late one night, so the next night, I fall asleep really early, only to wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. As you can imagine, laying in bed from 1:00am - 3:30am wishing I could sleep leaves me quite tired the next day. As a result, I fall asleep early again, and the cycle continues. That's how the last several days have been, but it's in the process of getting better. As soon as I can get back to a normal sleeping pattern, I will post all about our weekend trip to Thatcher/Safford to visit The Gila Valley Temple.

Meanwhile, let's take a vote. Which is funnier, the following conversation with Clara or the following picture of Clara?

{Background - we were on our way home from a birthday party and Clara had a balloon. It kept getting in my face, so I told her if she didn't hold it, I would whack it and I kept whacking it into the backseat.}
C: If you hit my balloon again, I am going to whack you in the face.
M: Clara, don't talk to Mom that way.
C: Please, I can whack you in the face?

Sporadic Snowflake Trip #2

Last Sunday evening, I decided to take a quick trip to and from Snowflake on Monday. Saturday, Jason and I decided to take a quick trip up, we left about 6:30pm Saturday night and were back in Mesa at about 6:30pm Sunday night. We went to support Jason's cousin Kristen, who is going to serve a mission in Santiago, Chile. Michelle let us stay at her house, even with such short notice, and of course she made us a delicious breakfast. Best bed and breakfast ever. After church on Sunday, we enjoyed a luncheon in Shumway with lots of family. It's always fun to visit with family and eat good food. The big bonus Sunday was the absolutely beautiful weather, the baby goats, the blossoming fruit trees and the beautiful green fields. But let's focus on the weather. Anyone that has been to Snowflake knows it can be a little windy, but on Sunday, every 30-45 minutes or so, the wind would blow, just enough to cool us off, and then it'd die down again. The afternoon was quite lovely. I decided I need a summer home in Shumway. The blossoms on the peach tree behind Clara were so pretty. Every time I tried taking a picture of her with the tree, her double chin got bigger.

Someone was transporting a few sheep and Clara was very concerned. They were baaing and Clara really wanted to know what they were saying. (She got to see sheep, cows, baby goats and feed the mom and dad goats. Lucky her; she loves animals.)

I wish I spent more time with old people.

Look at that blue, blue sky!

Good Days

I always love days where I accomplish things for each of my responsibilities and it's even better when time spent mothering and homemaking occupy most of the day. That's when I feel my life is balanced. Not a balance of time, but a balance of importance.

Kind of like today.

Wake up (gotta start somewhere!)
Bake muffins with Clara
Eat said muffins
Bake bread with Clara
Pack picnic lunch
Get myself and Clara's self ready
Start dinner (rarely do I remember to do this type of thing in the morning, but when I do, it always feels good)
Run an errand (Angela, are you offended I just referred to you as an errand?)
Visit the Scout Shop
Drive to Tempe Town Lake
Hide under a blanket from the 10 drops of rain with Clara
Have picnic at Tempe Town Lake
Roll down grass hills with Clara

Play tag with Clara (think: barefoot, sunny, cool, grass, awesome)

Play with camera settings

Come home

Read books to Clara

Sing to Clara

Clara naps

I blog (this is where my priorities get slightly out of order)

I work (see?)

Clara's up

Read a story

Enjoy the rain and sudden wind

Blow bubbles

Finish dinner prep

Eat dinner

Miss Jason

Watch a movie

More stories & bedtime routine

Now it's quiet and I'm trying to decide if I am as tired as I think I am or if it's just because tomorrow will start much too early...

Funerals: Part Two

I'm not sure about anyone else, but it seems my family often plays the "At my funeral..." game after funerals. We all share how long we expect our funerals to be, what music we want to be played, the kind of food we want at the luncheon and Jason normally mentions something about a cardboard box because caskets are a waste of money. We don't go so far as to act out our funerals as one's sister's father-in-law might. But we do discuss what we want when that inevitable day comes. Yesterday was no exception.

For the record...

My mom would like a 15 minute funeral. She says her life is so simple, there is no reason for it to be longer. She might be a simple person, but trust me, her life has been anything but simple. So Mom, it might have to be 20 minutes. She also wants "Consider the Lilies" to be sung. But that comes as no surprise to any of her children.

For me? I have always said I want "You Can Make A Pathway Bright" and "There Is Sunshine in My Soul Today" sung at my funeral and no tears. Today, I decided I want "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" to be sung, I want it to be 30 minutes and I want the luncheon to be really good food. Better yet, give everyone the day off and use some of the loads of money I'll leave behind to cater it. Oh, and instead of spending the money to print colored programs, please develop a poster sized picture of me to hang up. Just kidding (but only on the last one).

Funerals: Part One

At my parent's house on Sunday, we were discussing the sadness level of funerals. I boldly, and unemotionally, declared that when old people die, their funerals aren't really that sad. They have lived their life, they get to reunite with their spouse and other family and they don't have to suffer in their mortal bodies any longer. Plus, through the sealing power, they can see them again. It doesn't help that I never really had a relationship with any of my grandparents.

However, I changed my mind today when I attended the funeral for Otto Mills. He was 84 and Grandpa to my Mills cousins. When we lived in Snowflake, I often went to his house after school or different sporting things with Michelle to wait for a ride (we lived "out of town" and their house was "in town"). I loved the treats and snacks and their rotary dial phone. I called him Grandpa Mills and always got a hug every time I saw him, even though I wasn't a granddaughter. But it wasn't those memories that left me retracting my initial thoughts on funerals for the elderly. And it wasn't seeing him at the viewing. It was giving my Uncle Danny a hug. I looked into his eyes and saw his sadness, his mourning and his loss. He was missing his father that had raised him, taught him and loved him unconditionally. My eyes filled with tears as I realized the heartache that must come from losing a parent, no matter their age. 64, 84, 104, it's never easy. It is his dad. I attempted to imagine the sadness and realized, it's probably something that can't be put into words. I was again empathetic as I watched my cousins and their cousins file into the chapel behind the casket carrying their Grandpa. The tears they shed were for a Grandpa they loved and will miss dearly. Again, 64, 84, 104... it doesn't matter. He is their grandpa.

My new conclusion is that yes, it's a happy occasion for the elderly that get to move on. However, for those stuck here in mortality, it's a somber occasion. They have peace knowing they can see him again, but it's only natural for them to feel sadness and sorrow as they mourn their loss. In fact, it's a sign of love.

PS Some of my favorite thoughts were during Steve Mills' talk. In discussing the mourning process and that it signifies deep love, he said, "Taking the mourning from death is like taking love from life." Steve also mentioned a friend that told him we are born to die. His response was, "Yes, but we die to live." If you believe in eternal life, you know how true that is.

With & Without

Other than thinking about taxes too much, here's what we have been up to this past week or so. I like to take pictures, but for many reasons, there are times when I don't take any pictures. Nonetheless, I like to attempt to preserve all memories, not just those with pictures.

Memories without pictures:

Thursday evening I spent a little time at a Humanitarian service project. That stuff makes me so emotional. We were tying quilts that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will donate to the people around the world suffering from natural disasters. I sometimes feel guilty that I have so much and I donate my time to helping these people a few times a year. I decided it would be really fun to start a quilting club. I don't hesitate to play Bunco once a month so why can't I gather friends for an evening to donate some time? Besides, the best part of Bunco is the visiting and that's easily done when tying a quilt. I'm serious. Who wants to join my Quilt Club?

On Friday we met some friends at San Tan so the kids could play at the splash pad. The weather ended up being surprisingly cooler than forecasted, so the kids got cold rather quickly. I think I was bummed that our outing wasn't a relief from the heat... since there wasn't really any heat... so the camera stayed put.

Saturday morning we planned to attend the Falcon Field Open House. However, after getting too little sleep, Clara started crying at 10am. We told her she needed to lay down for a minute and less than five minutes later, she was totally zonked out. She hasn't taken a nap that early in the morning for a really long time.

Saturday we went to my cousin's son's baptism in Queen Creek. It was my first experience attending a Catholic baptism so it was interesting to see how things are done. I am very fascinated by religious. Afterwards, everyone went to Lisa and Daryle's for food and a nice long visit. I figured I was having too much fun eating candy and talking everyone's ear off to get my camera. Even my cousin Rob was here from Washington and I didn't get out the camera. Ah well, pictures or not, we had a great time and I always love spending time with that family.

Lots of work... who wants to have memories of that?

Memories with pictures:
We went to the Zoo with some friends last Thursday. This picture has very little to do with the Zoo and everything to do with managing to capture one of Clara's hilarious expressions.

And if you are wondering why I would take a picture of my daughter falling into a cold stream at the Zoo, rest assure. She thought she was the funniest thing around and kept laying in the stream. Good thing we didn't stop at the splash park because I didn't want her wet. :)

Clara got her first "real" hair cut. I have been the only one to cut her hair up until this week. Lamar and I like to barter and this is how I requested payment. Clara was so good and loved it. The end result was darling. The bad news is, Clara has my fine, FINE hair. The good news is, with lots of hair product and lots of time styling, it can still be cute. Well, at least until she sits in her carseat for 30 minutes...

Friday was the crowning moment of Clara's week. Several months ago, Clara got to have a sleepover with Lucy and Elsa. She's been wanting to have them over to our house, but it's hard since I work Fridays. I had Friday off so we decided to capitalize on that and have the sleepover. The only mistake I made was telling Clara about it a week in advance. That meant every time I told Clara we were doing something, she'd ask if Lucy and Elsa were coming over after that. All week long this went on. At least I know she was excited. We started off with a princess tea party (Lucy and Elsa came over in dresses and by the time we had our tea party, all the girls had swapped dresses).

We also made crowns and wands, but mostly, the girls just wanted to play. Here are the four SLEEPY little princesses Saturday morning. I don't think they spent more than 30 minutes out of their dresses, not counting nighttime.

On Saturday we went to Ryan's party. Clara wore his batman cape around and carried a toy shot gun, telling everyone, "I am saving people" or "I need to go save some people".

Jason took this before church... and we were still on time to my 8:00am choir practice.

Man, I love this little goose. Only working on site one day this week was really nice. Lately Clara loves puckering dramatically for kisses and blowing kisses to me when I leave her room at night. Oh, the joy.