At my parent's house on Sunday, we were discussing the sadness level of funerals. I boldly, and unemotionally, declared that when old people die, their funerals aren't really that sad. They have lived their life, they get to reunite with their spouse and other family and they don't have to suffer in their mortal bodies any longer. Plus, through the sealing power, they can see them again. It doesn't help that I never really had a relationship with any of my grandparents.
However, I changed my mind today when I attended the funeral for Otto Mills. He was 84 and Grandpa to my Mills cousins. When we lived in Snowflake, I often went to his house after school or different sporting things with Michelle to wait for a ride (we lived "out of town" and their house was "in town"). I loved the treats and snacks and their rotary dial phone. I called him Grandpa Mills and always got a hug every time I saw him, even though I wasn't a granddaughter. But it wasn't those memories that left me retracting my initial thoughts on funerals for the elderly. And it wasn't seeing him at the viewing. It was giving my Uncle Danny a hug. I looked into his eyes and saw his sadness, his mourning and his loss. He was missing his father that had raised him, taught him and loved him unconditionally. My eyes filled with tears as I realized the heartache that must come from losing a parent, no matter their age. 64, 84, 104, it's never easy. It is his dad. I attempted to imagine the sadness and realized, it's probably something that can't be put into words. I was again empathetic as I watched my cousins and their cousins file into the chapel behind the casket carrying their Grandpa. The tears they shed were for a Grandpa they loved and will miss dearly. Again, 64, 84, 104... it doesn't matter. He is their grandpa.
My new conclusion is that yes, it's a happy occasion for the elderly that get to move on. However, for those stuck here in mortality, it's a somber occasion. They have peace knowing they can see him again, but it's only natural for them to feel sadness and sorrow as they mourn their loss. In fact, it's a sign of love.
PS Some of my favorite thoughts were during Steve Mills' talk. In discussing the mourning process and that it signifies deep love, he said, "Taking the mourning from death is like taking love from life." Steve also mentioned a friend that told him we are born to die. His response was, "Yes, but we die to live." If you believe in eternal life, you know how true that is.
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8 comments:
I can relate so much to the sadness those family members felt. And I agree with what you had said - I think sometimes death is a happy occasion. I think when someone's spouse has already passed on and they are old and feeble and ready to pass over into the next life, then it can be a joyous reunion. But at the end of the day, the family members that are left behind are the ones who feel the sadness.
It's hard because there are, in my opinion, different "types" of funerals. Those who are elderly & "ready" to pass & those who are young and as it seems not ready.
I don't know how to say it, but you know what i mean.
Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone & will take them when it's time. Sometimes it's just a little harder to understand when it "time" for someone to go.
I don't think it's really making sense what I'm writing, but it's all making sense in my head :)
When I saw the written name, Otto Mills, I exclaimed out loud to myself, "No!" Because I have only seen him a handful of times, and never talked to him directly. But I know what a lifeline of family unity he was to them; the backbone of the family/ community he was for them right there in their Snowflake Haven. My heart is sad for them. Wow.
One year we had a couple of funerals to attend. The one for my cousin that was younger than me was a tough one. Than Travis Grandmother passed on two months later. It was a different funeral she had lived a long life. She had children, grand children, and even great grand children. It was not as sad for us it was more of a celebration of her life rather than the tragedy of my cousin.
i cry my eyes out at funerals. i do. when my grandma porter passed away, i cried because i already missed her, i cried for my mother who didn't have her mother or father anymore and then i cried because i knew my grandma was happy being in my grandpas arms and seeing her son agian. funerals are hard no matter what.
I loved Otto Mills, he was such a great guy.
i've always enjoyed mourning. sometimes it's nice just to feel sad and cry.
i loved "grandpa" mills and his hugs too.
I was saddened to hear that "Grandpa" Mills had passed. He was such a good man. I loved my summers that I spent in Snowflake and got to be around him. All his family is great.
well put.
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