Lunch & Pan

I guess I was so excited to talk about my weekend that I forgot to talk about Friday. I went and met my friends for lunch: Nylene, Machelle and Jen. The four of us were in the Primary Presidency for a couple of years and even though it's been over a year since we got released, we still get together for each other's birthdays. We also secretly try to have callings where we get to serve with each other still. Nylene is the best at that (helps that her husband is in the Bishopric...). She is in Scouts with me and she's the Primary pianist and Machelle is the chorister. Too bad Jen just got put in YW, now it might be a while before we have callings with her. We went to Crackers and although for some reason it was hilarious that I got a cheeseburger there, I had a great time. The only bad thing about that as my first calling after I got married is that it's going to be hard to beat. I loved being with the kids and I loved who I got to serve with. We had loads of fun and became great friends. Plus, all of these ladies are just amazing and I have so much to learn from all of them.

On my way home, I stopped to get the mail and I was giddy when I saw that I had a package. I love getting mail, even just ads, so I was totally stoaked to get a package. It was from my BF in California: the one and only Nikki. When I was there earlier this year, she was telling me how her mom has a frying pan small enough for a few eggs. We were at her mom's and she showed it to me. I don't really like eggs, but started eating them ALL the time for breakfast since they are quick and I have to eat a good hearty breakfast since I'm nursing. It's little and that way, you don't have to dirty a huge frying pan to cook yourself breakfast. Of course I was completely fascinated by the concept. Well, in the package I found my very own egg pan! Wooo hooo! I scramble my eggs most of the time, but you can just fry them and it's the perfect size if you want to make a breakfast sandwich. Oh the simple pleasures of life.

Sweet Goose

Clara continues to get more and more entertaining the older she gets. In the last few weeks, she's started trying to hold multiple objects in one hand. Even if she just has two toys that she wants to tote around with her, she will try to grasp them both with one hand, no matter how odd shaped and big they are. She's pretty good at it too. One time I think she had four or five plastic toddler utensils between her two hands and was crawling around with them. She also likes to drag her blanket around with her. Jason said he's going to start calling her Linus. Nice. Finally, after much consideration that she acknowledges nothing I show her, she decided she will sign. She signs eat/food and more. If only I could get her to sign more when she really wants more and not because I get excited when she does it. She's also started dancing. Oh my, it cracks me up. She does it really well when Jason plays music on his phone and gives it to her. She gets the most serious look on her face and either shakes her hand holding the phone or rocks back and forth, sometimes even both. If I'm feeling ambitious, maybe I'll put a video of her doing it on here. She's going through a growth spurt and suddenly none of her clothes she's worn the last several months fit.

Clara typically naps from about 10 - Noon. On Sundays, since we have to leave for church before 1015, I've been putting her down at 930 so she'll at least get a 30-45 minute nap. Today, I had this awesome idea to not let her take a nap. My theory was she'd be so tired at church, she'd fall asleep there. She doesn't normally just fall asleep in random places unless she's really tired. Well, what an awesome idea that turned out to be! She was so cranky during Sacrament Meeting and then fell asleep when I fed her. She slept for about 10 minutes in the Mother's Lounge so we never made it to Sunday School. She was actually pretty good during Relief Society but I think a 30 minute nap proved to be more beneficial than no nap!

Mission: Accomplished

For 24 hours, I babysat Brian and Kari's three boys. Jaxon and Kaden are four year old twins and Conner is 18 months old. The twins have a reputation of being very 'active'. Add an 18 month old and an 11 month old (Clara) and I'm pretty sure you can understand why I was a wee bit nervous since I knew I'd be alone most of the time. Kari's main request was that I just keep them alive. Friday was fine and wasn't too bad until bedtime. Jason was there, so I assumed it wouldn't be bad. But, during the five minutes I was trying to get the three boys in bed so I could feed Clara, Jason had to use the restroom. Funny how that happens. I eventually got the boys ready for bed and fed Clara. She cried when I put her in the crib, but not for long. About thirty minutes after she stopped crying, she made some more noise, but then went to bed. I haven't been real successful at getting her to sleep other places since we've stopped letting her have her pacifier. After all the kids were in bed I didn't want to do anything but sit. I told Jason by the time we have four kids, I need a maid. I didn't care what the house looked like, I just wanted to sit! Oh, and remember, this was after only about five hours, not even a full day. Soon after I was on my own, the older boys decided they'd try to hide from me under these baskets... So meet Kaden...and Jaxon...

We didn't get up until after 700 am, so that was good. We just played and had a wonderful day. The kids play so well and they are fortunate to have a nice big yard with fun toys to utilize their energy. They call their big toys they climb on 'parks'. They have three swings, which was great until Clara woke up from her nap. Jaxon could never get high enough for his satisfaction and Kaden did not want to go high at all. I was intrigued by how very different the twins are. I mostly was just entertained all day by the funny things the twins said. They were absolutely amused every time I fed Clara and were so inquisitive as to what food she was eating. They kept telling me they wanted to watch him (yes him, meaning Clara - no feminine pronouns in their vocabulary) drink. Kaden loved Clara and liked to hug her and play with her. He watched me kissing her head and told me he wanted to kiss the baby.

Hmm, can't imagine what Clara is planning on doing with this rock after she thoroughly examines it. She kept putting the rocks in her mouth and I kept telling her no and moving her hand. Well, the twins decided they'd help me out and every time she'd start to put a rock in her mouth, they'd say, "No! Don't eat it!" After about two or three times, Clara must've got her feelings hurt and she just started crying and crying. I told her it wasn't safe to eat rocks and they were just trying to help her be safe. It is funny how saying things to a baby in a certain way can make them so sad!Some of my favorite quotes/conversations:

Kaden to me: "I love your daddy." (meaning Clara's daddy: Jason)

Jaxon after washing the blood off his owie: "See! Look! It feels better."
Jaxon when his sore started bleeding again and looking very concerned: "Ooooh, look, it hurts again."

Kaden: "Draw a dinosaur" ... "Let's call it the daddy" ... "I want you to draw a baby dinosaur"... "I know, let's call it Little Foot" ... after I drew the third one: "Let's call that one mommy"

Anna, as I'm drawing the fourth dinosaur: "Let's draw another small dinosaur and call it Kaden"

Kaden: "No, let's call it annuder Little Foot."

Anna: "Okay, let's draw another baby and call it Jaxon."

Kaden: "No, let's call it annuder Little Foot."

During lunch we had a conversation about why too much sugar is bad for you and when Kaden asked if he could have a second cookie Jaxon said, "No, cookies have sugar in them."

Kaden after drawing an 'X' in the dirt: "X marks the spot."

Anna: "What spot?"

Kaden: "The one where the treasure is."
Anna: "Ooooh, what's in the treasure?"
Kaden: "Gold."

Anna: "Quick, dig it up!"

Kaden: "Okay." Kaden then asked if we could dig a "deep deep deep deep ... (three minutes later)... deep hole like the Higgly's (a cartoon?) did. I told them they probably had special powers to help, but they said they didn't. Anyway, Kaden went and got the shovel and let Jaxon do all the digging.

Anna: "Guess who just called? Grandma and Grandpa Mills."
Kaden, ecstatic: "Oh, I LOVE them!"

Kaden when we were playing hide-n-seek and I found him: "Oh, I thought you were my daddy."
Anna: "Really? Does your daddy have long hair?"
Kaden: "No, I just see his face." (aww, how sweet)

There were two jets doing like a mini air show that I watched as I pushed the kids on the swings. It was pretty cool so I tried to get the boys to watch and they weren't all that interested. But one of them, I think it was Kaden, after staring at the jets in the sky said, "I can see sparkles!" Ha, from it being bright out, he could see the spots and called them sparkles.

Kaden, showing me Conner's blanket with brown cow spots printed on it: "Conner's blanket has poop on it."

There were so many more but I just can't think of them. I need to get a tape recorded and just record everything my kids say. They come up with the funniest things and are so unique.

The twins aren't all that different than other four year old boys so I don't have much to complain about! Don't get me wrong, it is different and more work than one kid, but you don't have to have four kids or any kids at all to be aware of the obvious. They are very busy, but I am used to that. If someone wasn't around a lot of kids or boys, they might think they are too active, but boys are boys. Conner is just a calm little kid, so that helped out too. It's funny how much more pride I have in making breakfast or getting the dishwasher loaded while taking care of four kids. The small accomplishments must get more and more significant in a mother's eyes with each kid she has! I felt pretty good when all four kids were dressed for the day. :) As for my mission to keep the kiddos alive? Accomplished.

Times Two

Yesterday was another good day, believe it or not. That means two very good days in a row, wow, I'm on a roll. Amy called to see if she could take me to lunch for my birthday and of course I was more than happy to go. We went to BJ's. I'd never been there but was quite impressed with it all: the presentation, the atmosphere and the food. While I was working, we always ate at nice places and I became somewhat of a food snob. I have high expectations when I eat out and certainly was not let down by BJ's! We shared a salad and a pizza and I enjoyed every bite. Thanks Amy for being my friend and taking me out to eat. It was a special and rare outing for me and I had a great time.

Last night we also had Enrichment. It was out at Usery Park so I asked Jason about a week ago if he'd be home to watch Clara and put her to bed. He said he would but ended up having to take Wednesday off of work and so his boss asked him to work Thursday and he forgot he had already agreed to watch Clara. But don't worry, Auntie Angela came to the rescue. Her and Clint were happy to watch the goose until Jason came home. Not only that but she did my dishes too. Sheesh, Angela is definitely the perfect babysitter: she LOVES Clara and plays well with her, she's reliable and trustworthy, she cleans and she's FREE. I don't think it gets much better than that! Thanks Angelala and Clinty.

Enrichment was a good experience. As I mentioned, it was at Usery Park and although the wind was CRAZY, it was still enjoyable. We had soup in soup bowls, one of my FAVORITE things to eat and then we had a program around a fire pit. They had some women share some experiences about how the light of Christ has influenced their lives. At the end they showed a DVD with pictures of Christ and it was good for me to ponder on my feelings of Christ. And if any of you can hack into my secret blog, feel free to read those feelings there. :)

After lunch, I started feeling a wee bit sick and it continued to get worse. I just felt like I was going to puke. Several humorous people wanted to blame it on pregnancy but I'm pretty sure that's not the problem. Anyway, when I got home, I was freezing and fell asleep on the couch for like 30 minutes and woke up feeling awful. I went straight to the toilet ignoring Jason when he asked if I was okay, because everyone knows silence means it's not okay. And then I yacked three times in the toilet. I can't remember the last time I threw up that much. I don't think if you combined the few times I threw up when I was pregnant with Clara that it would equal the amount from last night. The good thing is, after it was over and my teeth were brushed, I felt fine. I feel fine today too, so either I have a five hour flu or ate something that upset me. Normally I don't have a sensitive stomach, so if my sickness was due to food, it must have been bad!

Good Days

Days such as today leave me feeling good. I had several things going on and was able to stay organized and on time for everything. That is a good feeling. It is better than not having much to do and feeling like I've wasted time doing nothing all day. For obvious reasons, it's also better than having so much to do and nothing seems to go as planned and by the end of the day, I feel like a tornado went through my brain and I want to do nothing but sit.

I was up until 200 am working and looking at houses which made it even better that Clara didn't wake up until 845 am. I got up and had to finish some stuff for work and get all ready for Scouts. I met my VT's at Tropical Smoothie for a birthday lunch (I did have to wake Clara up from her nap early). I miss going out to lunch and I enjoyed the food and company. I fed Clara in the car and then went to do payroll. Good thing Ryan is so baby hungry because he held Clara while I did some stuff. He might pretend he does it to help me out, but I know he secretly can't wait for another little baby. Ha ha. From there I went to the post office, the bank and then straight to Scouts. I got to Scouts at the perfect time. We only have three Scouts right now and it's pretty funny to listen to the things the kids say. At the pack meeting on Saturday, they got their Geology belt loops. I was the one that 'taught' them about it. You can only imagine my feeling of being a complete failure when the Scout Master asked the boys what they had to do to get it and they had no clue. So he asked them what geology was, but again, blank faces and closed mouths. Trying to be helpful, he asked if they study the earth or rocks, to which our entire Wold Den said, "No." Wow, let's hope I get better results from my own children!

Back to today... I got everything done I needed to (so far) and didn't feel stressed, but rather productive and organized. It's a shame I don't have days like this more often. I normally switch back and forth between crazy days and lazy days. In my opinion, my day was well balanced and I got just the right amounts of family (minus Jason, of course), friends, work and service in.

On a completely different note, I've decided it's not necessary to have speed limits in East Mesa because the snowbirds drive 30 mph and block the lanes so no one has a chance of driving the speed limit, let alone speeding.

Surprises

26 years, 312 months, 1,352 weeks, 9,490 days, 227,760 hours, 13,665,600 minutes, 819,936,000 seconds... anyway you look at it, that's how old I was at 1001 am. Today I woke up and had a little surprise on the counter that made me smile: a rather large card from Jason. Later, Clara pulled a piece of paper out of the recycle can, which I later found out was Jason's failed attempt at copying Angela's pop-out card for Clint. Poor Jason was up until 200 am having issues with this card and then finally scrapped it and made a different one.
Kathryn called me to see if Jason and I wanted to come over for treats after FHE. I called Jason to see if he had plans and he said, "No." At least I can count on him being honest! I was a little sad he didn't plan anything (or say he would plan something) but I was trying not to let it bother me too much. After all, I got a card and that was one step ahead of the last holiday! He said he'd be leaving work at 600pm and so I suggested we go to Kathryn's around 700 pm and he said that'd be great.

Beka and her boys brought me Sonic and Angela came over after work and we all just hung out. I was SO glad they came to visit me because I would have been really bored and probably would have found myself feeling sorry for myself that I had nothing to do on my birthday and my husband didn't seem like he wanted to help the situation. I don't mind sitting around as long as I have good company. Plus, goose was there to keep me happy. Notice her pants in this picture: a wee bit too big around her waist and it makes her look like a midget with short little legs. Jason came home around 600 pm and while I originally planned on making dinner, I opted not to and to ask him what was for dinner when he got home (thinking maybe he'd bring me something). He brought me some beautiful flowers in a watering pot (just what I wanted for my garden). The dinner thing, however, still wasn't getting through to him. I asked him if he'd hoped for the dinner fairy to make dinner or if he wanted to me to make it. Anyway, he said we'd get something on the way to Ryan and Kathryn's, which we didn't. Obviously, I was completely starving and a little sad that even after several very STRONG non-physical nudges I still wasn't getting dinner on my birthday.

When we got to Ryan and Kathryn's, I walked in and smelled brownies and thought, "Mmmmm, brownies and ice cream, that sounds good... especially since I haven't eaten dinner." As I walked in I noticed a table in the dining room all set up with an elaborate display of toppings for ice cream and lots of brownies. I got really confused and asked, "Are there more people here?" and then saw everyone in the family room. I'm not sure if my brain processed what was going on before or after I heard, "Surprise!" That's right, my first surprise birthday party ever... and the best thing is I had NO clue. Not even a hope that something like that would happen because it never even crossed my mind. I have always been able to catch on to Jason when he is planning something because he gets so giddy. I'm sure my face turned a lovely shade of red as everyone sang to me and all eyes were on me (that is so awkward). I just didn't know what to think, so I didn't, I just smiled. :)

I haven't seen Matt and Lindsay forever (I don't think since Beka's wedding because only Matt was at Tyler's...) and they've only recently moved back but they were there, so that was fun. Here are some of the wonderful guests... notice we had three sets of twins in our company tonight!

Lily and Tanner
Three stooges
People, including Clint's radical expression.
Kathryn, Miss {Wonderful} Host
Beka, me and Amy... we're all laughing because the second before the picture took, Beka says, "Chins up!" and in unison, all three of our chins shot up.

Lindsay and the Palmer twins
My dad snuck away to sleep in the living room... poor guy never sleeps. I do have to mention that my mom gives us a card every year on our birthday and my dad has NEVER written on them. I, however, must have a lucky year in store because my dad wrote me the funniest note on the card. It was a pleasant treat.
Matt and Gavin
Kathryn and 1/2 of the Melzer twins

Our little family: if you can't tell, Clara was thrilled to have a picture taken. :) She missed her afternoon nap because she didn't want to sleep when Braden and Landon were there, but other than not wanting to smile and look at the camera she was pretty behaved for being SO sleepy.
The Pickett twins
A very serious conversation
The other 1/2 of the Melzer twins - at this point in the night, the clip holding her bangs back was long gone and she's signing 'please'. Whenever they want something, they sign 'please'. I laugh and say they've learned to beg in sign language.
Maren and Brynlee (don't worry, I already told her the bow was too big for her head, LOL!)

My mommy, Clara and I... once again, Clara is thrilled that I've taken advantage of another photo opportunity.
At Ryan and Kathryn's, Jason asked me if I wanted to get take out on the way home. Then, as we were driving home, it became apparent he was not planning on going anywhere so I brought it up again, since he'd made mention of it several times... Jason must think I'm fat because I had not had dinner and he saw no problem in it. He'd laugh when I brought it up like he didn't see why I wanted to eat. Of all the days he chose to starve me, did he have to do it on my birthday? Since it was 900pm and he had so much to do, we went to Panda Express. He must have been so excited about the surprise that he never even thought about doing anything for dinner. Even after I brought it up multiple times, he still never thought of it. Oh how things change once you get married.

Thanks thanks thanks to everyone that came to celebrate, called, e-mailed, posted sweet thoughts about me (true or not Jen and Beka, ha!) or thought about me today. My day was special thanks to all of you! Who knew a random 26th birthday could have been so enjoyable when all things were considered?

Who was at the party tonight: {Ryan, Kathryn, Elsa, Lucy}{Maren, Scott, Brynlee}{Angela, Clint}{Mom, Dad, Daniel (just long enough to give me a hug), James, Lily}{Amy, Steven, Ryan, Steven}{Beka, Danny, Braden, Landon}{Matt, Lindsay, Blake, Brooklynn, Gavin}{Doug, Suzanne, Tanner, Jack}{Jason, Me, Clara}

Busy Weekend=Long Blog

The bad thing about trying to document what I did each day for several days is that I forget all the little details that make up the stories of the day. Without the details, there are no stories. On Friday night, Jason and I babysat for Lucy and Elsa. All three babies (obviously Clara was with me) were only awake together for a little over an hour, but trying to get them all ready for bed at once caused me to realize I will be just fine if I never have triplets. Twins would be a lot of work, but triplets might just push someone to insanity. Anyway, we shut ourselves in the playroom as Ryan and Kathryn left because Jason wasn't there and we needed to distract the twins. The best distraction for Elsa was Clara. As Clara was crawling away, Elsa went over and stomped on her pant leg and just stood there, smuggly watching Clara squirm as she tried to crawl away. It was pretty funny; if only I had it on camera to capture Elsa's look declaring her innocence.

On Saturday morning we had a Pack Meeting at 800am. I planned on taking Clara, but after she didn't fall asleep until 1000pm at Ryan and Kathryn's, woke up at Midnight as we were leaving (and stayed WIDE awake the entire way home) and woke up again at 545am, I thought it'd be wise to just have Jason feed her when she woke up. I'm glad I did because I was able to help a lot more at the Pack Meeting and Clara slept until 830am. Last month's theme was "Down on the Farm" so we went to Nylene's in-law's 'ranch'. For the games we planned to do barrel racing with stick horses and corraling the "pigs" (aka balloons). I obliged when Nylene asked me to demonstrate the barrel racing. Why should I be ashamed to gallup around on a stick horse? I shouldn't, so I did it. I can't wait to see those pictures.

Anyway, Saturday evening we went to an engagement party for my friend Erin that I used to work with and went to school with. It was at her parent's in Anthem and I went back and forth on whether or not I should bring Clara and finally decided to leave her with my mom (after Jason admitted he wouldn't be holding her much if we brought her). It was during the hours leading up to our departure that I realized I am completely and pathetically paranoid. The whole time I worried about our messy house and that I didn't have our Will ready in case something happened to us. We were driving to Anthem, roughly 45 miles from my mom's house, but I seemed to have the degree of worrying involved when parents leave their children to travel around the world. I told my mom that Angela gets Clara and to liquidate all of our assets and save all of the money for Clara. Angela, with the money you can buy ONE piece of Eames furniture for Clara's room. Ha.

The party was great, which I completely anticipated. They certainly know how to host a party and the food was amazing! My very favorite was the Pear and Blue Cheese salad, which is interesting since I don't even like blue cheese. Seriously, look how the tables were set, they didn't miss a single detail.

And here is the beautiful bride-to-be. She is one of those people that looks perfect every time you see her. A guy we used to work with that was really bad with names nicknamed her "Perfect Hair". Before dinner, they had us write down words of wisdom/advice for Jason and Erin to read, one a week until the wedding. They handed out quarter sheets of paper and I laughed and asked Erin if she thought I'd be able to fit all my advice on it. She knows me better and said, "Just put your advice on the blog..." Ha ha, soon enough, but not now.Jason and I with Erin and Jason... During college, two of my favorite Accounting friends had significant others named Jason and by this time next year, we'll all be married to them! There was another girl in a bunch of our classes that was married to a Jason as well, pretty funny. I am so excited for Erin and Jason. Weddings are such happy times and marriage can be wonderful. Yeah for the happy couple!Next to my fascination with the decorations, was the backyard. It was just so quaint and I admitted that if it was my backyard, I'd just sit back there and read on the lounge chairs all day. There was just a very serene ambiance back there. I, of course, couldn't get enough pictures. Jason, on the other hand, was wondering why we were taking engagement pictures for us. Is there something wrong with taking pictures of the two of us? I don't think so, and besides, you'd think he'd be used to it by now. I love parties. I love hosting and I love attending. I always tell Jason, "Someday, when I have my party house..."

Today in Church Clara smacked me in the face with something. Jason said, "Yeah, it looks like you are going to have a black eye, oh wait, that's just the dark bags under your eyes." I was like hmmm, what a sweet thing to say. What I didn't remember, until he realized I didn't get the joke and told me, was a few years ago we were at the Clinique counter and the lady was saying a product would probably work really well to cover up the dark bags under my eyes. Okay, I don't have perfect skin or a perfect face, but dark bags under my eyes? I'm glad I can't see them! :) After Church, Clara decided she'd just jump around in her bed and talk to herself rather than take a nap again. So I had to go have a little visit with her and remind her it was naptime. This time I did it after 15 minutes and not 30 minutes like last week.

Tonight we went to my mom's for dinner. She made me Pasta Milano and cheesecake for dessert. It was SO good and yes, it is certainly better than Macaroni Grill, especially when she puts extra cream in like she did tonight. YUM! I'm not sure who was enjoying life more in this picture: Clara getting to eat cheesecake or Auntie Angela getting to feed it to her. Perhaps it was the horsey rides I gave when I was babysitting that inspired Elsa to try and ride Clara. Or maybe it was that Clara is just so vulnerable since she can't walk. Either way, Elsa saw no harm in walking over to Clara and plopping down on her back for a ride, a ride she never got for obvious reasons. And can you see that look on her face? It's the one she gives when she is making her statement of innocents, because honestly, would that sweet face ever hurt anyone? (Let us not look past my dad's long sexy leg in the background!)Lately Clara has been doing some pretty funny things. The other day I asked her to smile for a picture and this is what I got.

She also tickles me. She had been doing it for a few weeks until I realized what she was doing. I tickle her a lot around her neck, so she will do it to me when I hold her close to me and it really does tickle, so I laugh and she laughs at me. She has also discovered a new noise: breathing in with her throat a bit closed so it makes a high pitched wheezing noise. More frustrating than funny, she has developed an extreme dislike for her pj's. Every time I start snapping them up, she starts trying to push my hands away, thrashes around and pulls at her clothes like she's going to die if I leave them on. She's also started showing off. She will smile at people and loves attention, but the second they reach their arms out to hold her, she shys away into my chest. She walks around furniture fairly easy but still isn't interested in crawling the "right" way. Tonight someone very appropriately compared her scooting to a slithering snake. She is so fast and the way her body moves side-to-side really does make it look like she's slithering. Goose, snake, whatever she is, I couldn't love her more!

Secret Wishes

I am pretty much a nerd and I'm okay with that. However, that status was elevated to geek in college when I got my CIS degree. Congratulations, yeah for me, I'm a geek. I had one friend that kindly welcomed me every day in one of our accounting classes with, "What's up, dork!" I remember in my CIS cap course my Senior year the teacher had us share why we chose to pursue a CIS degree and my response was, "For fun." The only response I found more uncommon than that was a classmate who was a concert pianist and chose to get his CIS degree as a backup. I knew all along it was much more likely I'd use my accounting degree to build my career because let's face it, very good IT people have an innate quality that I don't. They were computer geniuses before ever opening up a book. I knew a future in accounting for me was much more promising than something relating to CIS.

Fast forward three and a half years (that's right, I'm old)... My bedroom is in need of some serious de-junking. Several times, I have tried to get rid of my programming books and I can't. I secretly wish I still coded because I miss it. Getting a program to work was like solving an incredibly intense math problem, only the results were visual, so even more gratifying. I still have every book I used and every project I turned in. The books were always close to $100 so at one point this stack of books was worth about $500-$600 (like many things related to technology, they were often outdated by the time the semester was over, unfortunately). I can't even begin to describe how many hundreds of hours I spent on my projects. Some only took 10-15 hours, but some took 40-50 hours. I could almost count on an all-nighter the night before a project was due. It's as if I feel like I will lose a little piece of my identity if I get rid of these books, a piece that very few people know about, which is why I guess I think it's even more important to hang onto. I'm strangely sad knowing I will most likely NEVER again open these books. Additionally, I may never write another program ever again. Even if I did get back into it, I would be so far behind because I haven't kept up on it over the years. The first language I learned was C++, then Java. I also learned HTML, XML and SQL, but Java was huge when I was in school. My Senior year was the last year ASU was teaching any Java, so by the time I graduated even that was outdated. So, why do I keep these bulky books that take up space and collect dust? And that's where you come in, to give me moral support and encourage me to get rid of them. Tell me I won't be less of a person if I never write another program in my life and it will be okay. Or, tell me there is a club for amateur geeks that write simple programs for fun... that would be even better!

Guilt

Today I had a staff meeting for work at 1pm and then a meeting with a new client at 330pm. Normally, I take Clara to the staff meetings with me but will find someone to watch her during the client meetings (this is only the second one in like five months, so I figure it's harmless). Anyway, I asked Kathryn to watch her and she offered to watch her during my other meeting too so I decided it would be good because then Clara could get a longer nap. I dropped her off at 1pm, went to the meeting, went back to Kathryn's at 230pm and played with Clara until 320pm, went to my client meeting and went back and got her at about 530pm. I felt SO guilty for leaving her for so long. I didn't want to let her go and felt like I'd been gone forever. It made me so grateful, once again, for having the opportunity to work from home. I just couldn't leave her every day... especially not with someone that locks her in a dark closet... I always wonder if working moms get used to having to leave their kids, if it doesn't really bother them in the first place or if they just are sad every day. I'm sure everyone has a different explanation depending on the person and the circumstance.

From Kathryn's, we went to Superstition Ranch Market and then to Hunt's for dinner. I love that place, so many memories, and Judy just makes everyone feel so welcome and like you are her favorite ex-employee. Judy felt bad that I paid for my food while she wasn't paying attention, but I reminded her of all the free food I got for years when I worked there. :)Seriously, I'd sit in the corner and just eat aand eat and eat. She'd get so mad because I ate like a cow and didn't gain weight. Plus, she sent me home with some food for Jason. It was nice to have somewhere to go so we didn't have to sit home alone all night. Anyway, I got home around 8pm and had to feed Clara, put her to bed and then bring the groceries in and then put them away. I am glad that's not how every day is and I feel bad for all of the single working moms out there. I just can't imagine how exhausted they must get!

Sucker

On Halloween night, we went with my mom across the street for some chili and cornbread. I didn't take ANY pictures with my camera, but took plenty with my mom's and Angela took some. We came home to hang out, pass out candy and be lonely without Jason (he was at his friend's studying). We had very few trick-or-treaters come to our house. My neighbor said something about our light being set back so people passed by. Sure enough, I opened the door and watched tons of kids walk right past. A group of girls that did make it to our door said as they were leaving, "See, I told you we should go to that house even though you said it was scary..." Hmmm, I guess next year I need to make my front door a little more inviting!

Well, Clara got her treat for the night: one sucker. As I was unwrapping it, she was flapping her hands and couldn't wait. I put it in her mouth... She pulled it out with her right hand, felt it with her left hand...
Put it back in her mouth with her right hand...
Took it out and grabbed the top with her left hand... Then stuck the stick in her mouth while her left hand held the sticky part.I helped and put the right end in her mouth, and then she did her little routine all over again. In fact, she did it every time I tried to help. It was funny. After that and her trying to crawl all over with it in her hand, I just put her in her seat. It had gum in the middle and she surprised me by sucking it all the way down to the gum. Too bad that's when it was conveniently time for bed, I'm sure she'd love gum!