"Busy" Life

I have been thinking about being busy. Too often I feel like I always tell people I'm busy, but really, I don't have so much going on that I can't function. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I'm busy all the time. I wake up in the morning and think of everything I need to do in the upcoming week/few weeks and I feel totally overwhelmed, which makes me feel super busy. Some days, some weeks and some months are definitely non-stop. But it's not every day, every week or every month that life is crazy. Since Hazel was born, I've been trying to be better about taking life a day at a time -having a daily to do list and not just a weekly one so I know what has to get done each day instead of feeling like I have to tackle a week's worth of tasks in a day or two. On days I don't have to leave the house for anything, I try to stay home and hang out and let myself be not busy. I guess I'd rather put off my work (like I did today) and enjoy some down time with my sweeties and stay up late and be busy tomorrow than being kind of busy two days in a row. Today was one of those days - the one where I'm a little bit lazy, knowing the next day will be a little crazy. I did a little laundry, cleaned/de-junked my room (well, started anyway), typed up lots of funny things I have written down about Clara over the last few years, ate simple meals and finally finished unpacking from Utah (I was mostly done... the suitcase had some Winter clothes we won't be needing around here for several months so it was easy to ignore). A simple day left me hours to look through old pictures, kiss/hold/hug/squeeze/sing to/tickle herand try to be patient with non-stop chatter from this butterfly (that's a cocoon in case you didn't notice).

Spoiled

I started crying yesterday thanks to my sister's posts. Mother's Day gets me every year. I started a blog post all about my feelings about being a mother and how I feel about my own mother, my mother-in-law, my friends and family that are mothers and my friends and family without kids that are just as motherly. Unfortunately, it all ended up being a jumbled mess. I have some really strong feelings on the mothers in my life, especially my mom, and motherhood. Apparently putting those thoughts into words proved to be a little difficult for me. So I decided to move on to the lighter side of this Mother's Day. I wanted only one thing: to be on time to church. Usually, we are on time, but we sit down as the conductor stands up to start the meeting and I'm most often stressed out. Today, we were 5 minutes early. Yippee, wish granted. Just call me spoiled since I got everything I wanted. :)

Last week Angela took some family pictures for us. I always manage to suck my loved ones into doing favors for me. They secretly love it, I'm sure. These are 3 of my favorites.

Which one is your favorite?

Saturday Night Entertainment

I accomplished a lot today. Soccer, birthday party (in QC), Costco, gas, Ross, Sprouts, make food for family party, finish Mother's Day gifts and family party. Nursing steals a few hours from every day. I was running on 3 hours of sleep which didn't help (sometimes I am a responsible adult, last night I was not). Plus, Jason was gone most of the day so I was running around solo, which means things take a little longer.

To finish off the day, we hung out with Jason's family at Kevin and Chrystie's to celebrate Mother's Day. Lamar told us some pretty funny stories. His imitations of how his mom would grab their hair when they talked back was nothing short of hilarious. Apparently she did it "just right". He also told about the time when him and Kevin decided to drive Connie's car while she ran into the school. Lamar (5) steered and Kevin (3) did the pedals. Oh yeah, and Jason (1) just hung out in the backseat. Thankfully they ran into a ditch before anyone got hurt. I'm pretty sure they are the reason there are laws about leaving kids in the car. I'm also guessing I wouldn't have settled that one with just hair pulling. But when you're the mother of seven boys, it's essential that you have more patience than I do. He also talked about him and Kevin eating Connie's lipstick because "it smelled good." I learned that while their home was being built, they lived in a trailer on their property. A trailer with no running water so they went to someone's house to bathe. It was fun hearing these stories since Jason was too little to remember. I wish more of this was recorded. And I wish more nights ended dancing with sparklers.

Little Helper

I think teaching children strong work ethic is really important. Clara’s jobs around the house are the dishwasher (I do all the stuff she can’t reach), empty the garbages around the house (obviously not the kitchen one), clean her room and help me as needed. Mostly, she's a pretty awesome helper.

This morning we had the following conversation:

C: Why do I have to do jobs?
M: Because you get to live in our house and we all work together to clean up and keep our house in order.
C: I don’t want to live here anymore. I want to go live with someone else.

A few minutes later she did the dishwasher without complaint and volunteered to wash the big dishes. I'm glad she likes to help me, despite what she says. I even love it despite the fact that this picture shows my Bosch lid after she washed it.

Progress

Let's face it, home decorating might be my biggest weakness. I don't like to do things half-way. If I can't do it all and do it perfectly, I don't even bother to start. This is really bad when it comes to decorating on a budget. Picky + Cheap = Baaaaad. I can find a reason not to buy just about anything. Too big, too small, not my style, wrong color, not me, too formal, too casual, no where to put it, don't need it, etc. etc. If all else fails, I can always rely on "It costs too much". It took us two years before we hung pictures on our walls in our last house. Two of the three frames I bought to hang in Clara's room are still in the packaging (four years later!). The third has a picture in it, but it was never hung. Jason and I, in over 7 years of marriage, have never had anything hanging on our bedroom walls.

However, people can change. And while I am still terribly picky and obnoxiously cheap, I snapped out of it a few months ago. I am not sure if it was when Jason said, "You should see our old house. It looks totally different when it's actually decorated." Or when I saw our old house (our renter used to be an interior designer) and agreed with Jason. Or maybe it's because Clara is getting older and I realized it's kind of sad that she has a pretty pathetic and uninviting room. Either way, I decided spending a little here and there is worth it to create more enjoyable rooms in our home.

The first priority was Hazel's room. Not only did I have to get rid of the ugly red wall, her room was much simpler. Maybe that's because Rachel made her a quilt (which one can not appreciate enough by pictures only), gave me a few good color options for paint and I told pressured Angela into selecting some fabric to hang in cross-stitch frames. My mom and I primed (and primed and primed and primed and primed) that red wall. Then Karen, Keith and Jason painted it. We did all that before Hazel came, but the room did not feel complete until I hung the little diddies from Angela. It's not 100% done. I'd like a few more things on the wall and I keep thinking I'm going to make Hazel a mobile. But other than that, it's a nice, clean, simple, serene room for my sweet baby. I'm proud of myself for doing it even though it's not all done.

Clara's room is a little different story. Although her room was also inspired by a handmade quilt by Auntie Rachel. The walls are white. It's not my favorite and they definitely need some color. But the urgency to paint over white doesn't compare to the urgency to paint over the red in Hazel's room. Since I don't know when we'll paint, I decided to start improving in the meantime. We hung curtains, got some new sheets, put her "coolt" on and I started making a giant yarn pom-pom. I have the other yarn colors purchased, I just need to take the time to make them. They will hang above her bed. Add some color to the walls (I'm thinking a pale yellow), spruce up her curtains and hang a few things up and we'll call it good. Well, actually I'd like to figure out how to organize her room too and maybe get a rug. Then I'd feel really good about it.
To some of you, it might not be much. But I'm pretty impressed with my progress.

Daily Grind - 05.03.2011

7:30am - Wake up to feed Hazel

8:15am - Make breakfast (pancakes)

8:30am - Hazel down for nap (that lasted less than an hour)

8:30 to 10:00am - clean kitchen, get ready, help clara get ready, put away some laundry

10:10am - Drop Clara off at preschool (10 minutes late)

10:20am - Go to solar oven class with my mom (20 minutes late)

11:30am - Go to mortgage office to harass loan officer for not following through with promises

12:15pm - Pick up Clara (15 minutes late)

12:30 to 2:30pm - Hang out at my mom's, bum lunch off her

3:00 to 4:00pm - Make part of dinner (almost healthy scalloped potatoes with teff & veggie blend*)

4:00pm - Look for Clara's swimsuit (she said she knew where it was when I asked 15 minutes earlier)

4:15pm - Go to friend's to swim

4:40pm - Watch Clara drift off the step

4:40pm - Wonder why Clara wasn't going back to the step

4:40pm - Watch Clara's friend try to help her (which pushed her further from the step)

4:40pm - Stand up (with Hazel) and run towards pool

4:40pm - Watch friend (fully clothed) jump into the pool to save Clara

5:15pm - Come home

5:30pm - Feed Hazel

6:00pm - Put Hazel to bed

6:15pm - Make smoothies (spinach, mango, strawberries and banana) to drink with our dinner

6:30pm - Eat dinner with Clara and listen to Hazel squawk and squeal from being 100% sleep deprived

6:45pm - Craft (paper snow family per Clara's request) with Clara

7:05pm - Help Clara get ready for bed and put her to bed

7:30pm - Blog and eat candy (because this is way more fun than working and eating candy)

11:00pm - Hopeful bed time

Other things I'd like to write a whole post about, but just don't have time or energy...

*Veggie Blend - Last month I went to an awesome class about grains and vegetables. A woman in my stake has a pretty incredible story about her battle with MS. I will need to write a whole post about this to get all my thoughts out, someday. One way she incorporates more vegetables and a wider variety of vegetables into her cooking is by making a veggie blend each week. She gets one of every vegetable in season at the time and chops them in a food processor and adds a cup or so of that to everything. I got a little carried away with the amount I did. :) Anyway, so now almost everything I cook has a little of the following: asparagus, beets, turnips, rutabaga, parsnips, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, beet greens, kale, spinach, zucchini, yellow squash, grey squash, nappa cabbage, cabbage, brussel sprouts and celery. Clara loved helping me scrub everything in a vinegar wash.

My 7-year dream was realized: make a margarita pizza with tomatoes and basil that I grew.
Smiled at this baby
Laughed at this girl
Tea party in the front yard (and several meals in our front yard too, the weather last week was amazing!)
Bit these chubby cheeks and squeezed these chubby legs
Clara admired the 3 surviving gold fish in our almost-drained Coi pond (it keeps filling back up every time we get irrigation)
Admired our garden (even though I'm pretty sure I stunted its growth)
Watched another one of Clara's soccer games (this was going to be its own post too...)
My dad loves his grand babies
Played in the irritation

A Little Sadness

One of my little brother's good friends died last night. It takes me a while to process stuff like this. My mortal brain thinks the word death but my mind can’t seem to comprehend. At first it's shocking and sad. It’s so weird to think how fast people can go and it's overwhelming how it seems like death can happen so easily. It's so frustrating to think that decisions made led to this. I feel regret for the person. I think about it a little more and the sadness just sinks deeper and deeper. I feel so helpless. I feel so sad for his family. I've never met his mom or his sister. But I don’t need to know them to know that they are hurting. I used to be terrified this would happen to my family and just the thought of it hurt. I wonder why the journey of addiction can be so similar, yet the roads can end in different places.

He was a polite, handsome, friendly, athletic, kind person. He was loving and thoughtful. The first time I met him, he came to my parent’s for dinner. Someone spilled something and he was the first one to jump up, run to the kitchen and grab some paper towels. I cry a little for him, for his friends, for the lost potential, for his family. And then I cry a little (maybe a lot) when I look at my sweet, innocent children and realize this boy's mom loved him just like I love my kids. She held him when he was a baby just like I hold Hazel and thought about his potential. She undoubtedly hoped for the best and looked into his sweet, innocent eyes and wanted to protect him from everything bad. She probably held him like I hold both my girls and felt her heart ache imagining him getting hurt. I'm sure she watched him run around like I watch Clara and thought of his bright future. College, career, happiness, marriage, children, grandchildren. But life doesn’t go as planned and sometimes it goes a whole lot worse than we could ever imagine.

Thank goodness tomorrow is Sunday. My soul needs a little comfort.

The Peacemaker

As I mentioned, Emily and her kids were here visiting when we got back from Utah. Our family dynamics aren't typical. Lily, my little sister, has a niece and a nephew older than her. It works out nicely. Lily hangs out with our nephew Justin and James hangs out with our niece Alexis. You'd think they were cousins. But by way of family, this is definitely the way to go since the older nieces and nephews love the little kids. Works out nice for the siblings with little ones still around. I was telling a friend how laid back Emily is and realized she's like the peacemaker in our family. She's fun to talk to, keeps everyone calm/happy/nice and is always helping others out. Plus, Justin and Alexis love the little kids and help entertain them. Justin especially loved Hazel. At one point he said, "I want one of these. Can I take her home with me?"

As is typical when family is in town, we spent lots of time hanging out and little time doing anything that had to do with reality.
Lily's softball game
Food Truck Friday (next to Phoenix Public Market)
The kitty rescued from underneath Angela's new house
Easter Pageant
Easter dinner and Easter egg hunt Saturday night
It's always fun when they come and always sad when they go. Good thing they live in California so I can run away to their house when I need a break from the summer heat. (Consider yourself warned, Emily.) :)

My Girlies

Hazel is four months old today. I often wonder where the time went, which usually leaves me feeling a little sad and wishing I could turn around and grab some of that time back. So I don't get too sad, I try to stop wondering and instead reflect on the fun we've had and the fun we'll have. Hazel has been able to roll from her tummy to her back for a few months. On Sunday she rolled from her back to her stomach. Well, almost. Her little arm always gets in the way, but she doesn't mind. She just arches her back and flops her head over and lays on her arm. I think (keyword: think) this is a little earlier than Clara rolled that way, which surprises me. I thought Hazel's chub would delay her movement a bit. Hazel has also become extremely interested in her surroundings in the last few weeks. She has a hard time eating when there is something else going on and hates it when I hold her facing me. When I do, she uses all her energy to turn and look over her shoulder. I think she weighs about 14 pounds, which is about what Clara weighed at 6 months (if I remember correctly). No one makes her giggle more than Jason, but anyone can make her smile. She has big ole' bright eyes. People like to comment about them, but no one has made me feel more awkward when delivering a comment about my children than a man in the grocery store yesterday. He said, "Look at those beautiful blue eyes. I have always wished I could have a blue-eyed baby." Something about the way he said it made me at a total loss of words.

I still get butterflies of happiness/love when I check on Hazel (and Clara) every night. Seeing them peacefully asleep warms me through. I want to kiss their soft cheeks or gently touch their soft skin. Most nights I resist. Hazel slept okay in Utah, but woke up around 6am, sometimes closer to 5am. She usually wouldn't go back to sleep, wouldn't take her pacifier and wouldn't stop crying. I think part of it was because she was sick. But since Clara was asleep in the same room (I was surprised at how well Clara slept through the crying considering they don't share a room) and Rachel's whole family was asleep in the rest of the house, I usually just fed her. We are still working on getting Hazel out of this habit of waking up before seven or eight. I'm hoping tonight is the night. I've missed my uninterrupted sleep.

Speaking of sleep. Utah wasn't bad for both girls' sleeping habits. Clara has been having quite the time going a night without waking up. Usually because of a bad dream. Pretty much every night for the last several months (8-9?) she would wake up crying. If we were up, we'd settle her down in her room. If we were asleep, she would often stowaway into our bed until we woke up and escorted her back to her bed. Some nights, we didn't even realize it until morning. Anyway, in Utah, Clara only woke up once. Now we've been home for almost a week and she's only done it once. I am guessing she just grew out of that phase. Or perhaps Utah cured her. Either way, hip, hip hooray.

And speaking of Clara... She is constantly growing and learning about life. Yesterday we were in Superstition Ranch Market and she was "directing traffic". One of the ladies laughed and was telling another lady what was going on. Clara turned to me and asked, "Are they making fun of me?" Poor girl thought laughing about something and making fun of someone were synonymous. I explained they just thought she was silly and she said she didn't want them to make fun of her. She acts more like an adult every day. Jason likes to tease me by calling her AJ or Mom Jr. Little does he know she picks up plenty from him too. Also, I tell him it's a good thing he likes me so when our kids act like me, he has nothing to complain about. ;) I love her sweet little face and her excitement about life. She gets so excited about the simplest things (like getting Peeps for Easter). She is very unselfish and loves to share with others. Karen gave her a little bag of candy for Easter so Clara went and got one of her big eggs (she only had two) to give to Karen. She's very social and loves to play with friends. She loves going to my mom's and adores playing with Lily. She is a big helper and is learning how to keep her room clean. She loves doing her jobs: emptying the garbages, emptying the dishwasher (except the glass stuff) and doing little jobs I give her. She got her own little gardening tools for Easter and they make her feel important and now she likes weeding the garden with me. Thanks to a little personal inspiration, I've been able to be much more patient with Clara. When I'm tempted to react to her behavior, I know a deep breath will buy just enough time to receive a little guidance on the best way to respond to her.

I love having two perfectly beautiful girls. When it comes to children, I wouldn't have picked anything else. I can't fathom how it could be better than this.

Fun in Utah

On the 13th, Clara, Hazel and I drove to Utah and spent a week with Rachel and her family. I wanted to help entertain her kids the last few days of their Spring Break while she was busy working. Turns out they didn't really need me to help them have fun, but we had a good time hanging out nonetheless.The drive up was great, maybe I'll post the statistics of it later. Jason didn't think I could feed Hazel a bottle while I drove. So I took a picture of it to prove it. What? Can't you steer with your knee?

Seeing Daniel and Steven. Cute kids. I just wanted to squeeze them. It's amazing how hard work can transform people.

If anyone can make me laugh like Clara, it's Lucas.Playing in snow and water in American Fork Canyon. According to Emma, the water (aka melted snow) was "kinda warm."
I think it's safe to say that Steven likes babies and kids more than any other Uncle. I wish he still lived closer.
Micah couldn't get enough of Hazel either.
I got to see some high school friends. We met at Chick-fil-a for a classy dinner. We figured if the kids had somewhere to play, we could visit longer. Molly, Rob and Heather's little girl, is just a month older than Hazel. I wanted a picture of the two of them, but neither of them would look at the camera. Or anywhere else but the other's face. Maybe they remember each other from another place they so recently left.
I got to visit Jen and her family. It's the first time I've seen her home since she moved away from Arizona years ago. She made us lunch and we got to visit for several hours.
Look closely. The blanket is taped shut. Per Lucas, "he taped her blanket closed." To Hazel: this is what life would be like every day if Clara had been a boy.
Kiri and her kids drove down from Layton so we could go see the Carl Bloch exhibit at BYU. Other than the fact that Rachel ended up chauffeuring us to and from BYU and that Clara had a meltdown in the exhibit, it was pretty incredible.
The important part of this picture isn't just two silly kids. It's also so I can remember how delicious the lettuce wraps were that Rachel made.
Clara loves worms. Who knew. She caught several, but this one was by far the biggest, nastiest one of them all.
Steven came to visit and hang out the night before we left.

I love this kid.

Daniel couldn't come the night before we left, but came the morning we left.
It was such a nice week. Rachel cooked good food, I got to visit with a few friends, I had lots of little helpers to entertain and watch Hazel (having a 12 year old girl around is really quite handy) and Clara had a constant friend or two or four at any given time. We are already looking forward to going back in the summer.