One of my little brother's good friends died last night. It takes me a while to process stuff like this. My mortal brain thinks the word death but my mind can’t seem to comprehend. At first it's shocking and sad. It’s so weird to think how fast people can go and it's overwhelming how it seems like death can happen so easily. It's so frustrating to think that decisions made led to this. I feel regret for the person. I think about it a little more and the sadness just sinks deeper and deeper. I feel so helpless. I feel so sad for his family. I've never met his mom or his sister. But I don’t need to know them to know that they are hurting. I used to be terrified this would happen to my family and just the thought of it hurt. I wonder why the journey of addiction can be so similar, yet the roads can end in different places.
He was a polite, handsome, friendly, athletic, kind person. He was loving and thoughtful. The first time I met him, he came to my parent’s for dinner. Someone spilled something and he was the first one to jump up, run to the kitchen and grab some paper towels. I cry a little for him, for his friends, for the lost potential, for his family. And then I cry a little (maybe a lot) when I look at my sweet, innocent children and realize this boy's mom loved him just like I love my kids. She held him when he was a baby just like I hold Hazel and thought about his potential. She undoubtedly hoped for the best and looked into his sweet, innocent eyes and wanted to protect him from everything bad. She probably held him like I hold both my girls and felt her heart ache imagining him getting hurt. I'm sure she watched him run around like I watch Clara and thought of his bright future. College, career, happiness, marriage, children, grandchildren. But life doesn’t go as planned and sometimes it goes a whole lot worse than we could ever imagine.
Thank goodness tomorrow is Sunday. My soul needs a little comfort.
8 comments:
Hugs to you and to that hurting family.
Death is hard, but it is especially hard when it's not expected. When you're not ready for it, it's devastating. No amount of understanding of the Plan of Salvation can take that pain away when you first lose someone unexpectedly. In time that knowledge will bring comfort and peace. I am sorry for the loss of your brothers friend
I often have those same thoughts and feelings when I hear about something happening to someone so young. what if it were my kid? how would I handle the pain? I ache for/with? them. I hope church brings you comfort today.
Your post made me read Elder Nelson's April address, "Face the Future with Faith" a little differently than I might have.
"We live to die, and we die to live again. From an eternal perspective, the only death that is truly premature is the death of one who is not prepared to meet God." Yet, when one thinks of a young adult who has passed on, it is still sad to know that our opportunities to interact with and enjoy that person are cut short.
I'm glad to know that death is not the end.
your words are so beautiful. death is such a hard thing and i am so affected by it. even if i didn't know the person, like you said i ache for their family, i ache for their friends, i ache because of those all too familiar feelings of emptiness that start to creep when i think of losing a loved one. i hate knowing that somewhere someone is feeling that. aren't we so incredibly lucky to have the gospel?
so sad. death is always a hard thing to deal with. your words were so perfect in this post.
A waste of a life. A waste of wonder.
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