And It's Done

Why am I the only one posting on my blog at 8:16pm on New Year's Eve?

Just kidding.

It's party night and here I sit in my quiet, peaceful house. Peaceful, but lonely. Funny how that works. We crave quiet. And then the silence makes us lonely. Jason and Clara went to hang out with my family for a bit and Hazel and I are home. It's a good time to reflect on 2010 before I play some games. (I love Text Twist!). My initial thought for 2010 was, That was rough. Then I thought about what made me feel that way and I remembered all the wonderful memories from the year. Highlights include, but are not limited to, keeping our jobs, Gila Valley Temple, weddings, visits from out-of-town friends, Seattle, Melzer family reunion, preschool and dance for Clara, moving and of course, the best part of the year, Hazel. On the outside, it was a really great year. On the inside, it was emotionally exhausting. I didn't deal with some of the more visible trials I have in the past, but somehow, this was harder for me. 2010 might have been my most tearful year ever. Regardless, tomorrow is a new year. A time for self-reflection and resolutions. A time to remember some wisdom from the wise William Ernest Henley's Invictus:

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

I can make 2011 happier and better. Here's to a happy new year.

******************************************************************************

I got to run over to Ryan and Kathryn's for a bit before I posted this to say hi. It made it feel a little more like New Year's Eve.
Then I came home and drank some Martinelli's straight from the bottle.

Life At Home

We came home from the hospital yesterday morning. So far, we've all adjusted well and it's nice to be home.

The hardest thing for Clara right now is keeping her distance. She has a cold and so we are trying to keep her out of Hazel's face for a few days. She touches her head, brings her stuffed animals and loves to watch her. A few times she's come up to her and waved her arms really fast a few inches above Hazel, making it evident how difficult it is not to give unlimited hugs to her new sister. She can't wait to have a little more interaction with her once she's feeling better. This morning, Clara heard Hazel wake up, ran into her room and climbed up the side of the crib to see her. It was more exciting than Christmas. That's a good sign.
Last night I fed Hazel a little after Midnight and then she only woke up twice more to eat - once at 3:30 and again at 6:20. Way better than that last night in the hospital. She must like her crib and having her own room. Needless to say, I woke up feeling great. So good, in fact, that I'm a little nervous about tonight. Or maybe I just got one of those magical babies that sleeps well at night. Definitely cute. Possibly magical.
Jason's company closed their office for the week so he's home, but is tired. He wants to know why he's so tired. I think it's either:
A.) Watching your wife labor and give birth naturally is exhausting;
B.) Sleeping all night while your wife has a night of broken sleep leaves one feeling a little sleepy; or,
C.) Living with someone recovering from giving birth and breastfeeding a newborn sure zaps the energy out of you.

What do you think?

Hello, Name

Hazel Joy Penrod
Don't let the picture fool you into thinking we picked the wrong middle name.

{If only my photog skills were comparable to Hazel's ability to cry (all night long). But don't worry, my nice sister and her nice camera are going to come take some lovely pictures of my sweet little baby.}

Hello, Baby

I had a baby last night.

I wanted one last picture of our little family of three before we became a little family of four. Little did I know I was probably dialated to a 10 and should've been at the hospital.

This picture was taken at 8:33pm at my mom's. We got to the hospital around 8:50pm. The registration lady didn't quite sense the urgency. Little did she know I'm not really a wimp. I was wheeled into the L&D room at 9:00pm. The baby was born at 9:06pm. I was officially admitted to the hospital at 9:09pm. No IV, no doctor and no epidural. I never in my life imagined I'd have a baby that fast. I feel like a champ. It was awesome. Well, after it was over. I was ready to party.

8lbs 12oz, 21 1/4" ... if only we were certain on the name.

Almost 5

This morning Clara came into my room and got in bed with me and I asked her if she knew what today was. She said no, as if she hasn't been looking forward to her birthday for weeks. I sang her Happy Birthday and told her she's no longer 3 because today she turns 4. She got really excited and said, "So now I'm almost 5!" Patience my dear...


For lunch I told her she could go anywhere she wants. She wanted McDonald's. I think McDonald's could be my least favorite place to eat so I told her we could go somewhere fancy and sit down and eat, hoping she'd change her mind. To that she asked, "Can we sit down at McDonald's". McDonald's it was. My mom, Lily, James and Rachel's kids met us and after Clara ate as little as possible, she enjoyed playing with the kids.

I almost did a friend party for Clara for the first time. I decided being 9 months pregnant wasn't a good idea to host several little 4 year olds so I decided to simplify and just invite some family and a few special friends. Somehow my simplification turned into making 20 houses for kids to decorate and having 41 guests for dinner. Apparently I feel the need to simplify, I just don't really know how to do it. Which is why I went to bed last night with 20 houses on my table.
I did simplify with the cake. Originally I was going to make these cupcakes but after piping a few of these snowflakes, I decided making 40 was not a good idea. So instead I used the cupcake as inspiration for my cake.
I don't think chaos and simplicity can coexist...

The night turned out lovely. Clara had a great time decorating her house, playing with cousins and friends and opening presents. I think we were both a little overwhelmed by all the presents. Clara told me we "giveded her too many presents". So many people made her feel special today and I am grateful for all of them.

All during the party, I felt so blessed. I am grateful for our house. I am grateful for everyone that cleaned up after the party. {Really, really grateful}. I am grateful to be surrounded by family and friends. But today, I am most grateful for Clara. There really is no way to verbalize the joy she brings into my life. She makes me smile every single day. She makes me laugh, she helps me learn and grow and she helps me keep a positive outlook on life. She makes me want to be better and try harder. The weather today was exactly like the day she was born so I had fun reminiscing with her about that day. It was a good day, but only the beginning of a new chapter of life.

Happy Birthday my little goose.

The Big Sister

Experiencing pregnancy with Clara has been fun. She is very excited to have a new baby and is thrilled to be an older sister. Although the older siblings can never be prepared for or fully comprehend the changes that are about to take place, I try to explain to her some things that will be different. Clara's responses are always very sweet and thoughtful. Although they aren't always realistic, it still makes me smile. She's told me she will change the baby's diaper, hold the baby if she cries and stir dinner so it doesn't burn if the baby needs me while I'm making dinner and of course, if the baby cries in her crib, she'll go put her back to sleep or play with her.

She always comes up with different names for the baby as well. From Pocahontas to Lisa to Katie. Or the other day it was Hide-n-Seek, but Heidi for short. She talks and sings to the baby through my stomach. When I take pictures of my pregnant self, she loves to sneak into them. She pats and rubs my belly and giggles when she feels the baby move. For a few weeks she was obsessed with the fact that the baby ate whatever I ate. Every time I'd eat something she'd ask if the baby was eating it too. She's also been very curious about what the baby is doing in my stomach, like eating, sleeping, breathing, pooping, etc. etc. Her inquisitive mind gets me thinking too. Isn't amazing that babies get the exact amount of nutrients they need from us so there is no need for them to poop until they are ready to come out?

Occasionally Clara will randomly say, "I want the baby to come out so bad!" or "I want the baby to come out now!" I see I'm not the only one getting impatient. Obviously there will be an adjustment period, but I think Clara is going to love having a baby sister. I know she'll be a good big sister and be a big helper. She loves to help me and I think as long as she's involved in what's going on with the baby, she won't mind the attention the baby demands. I'm so glad for the four years I have had to spend with her, but I think we're both ready to switch up our family dynamics.
Things I should be doing instead of blogging: making dinner for the neighbors, working on my mom's Christmas card, cleaning my house for Clara's party, taking a shower, getting ready for Clara's party tomorrow (I only have to bake the cake, make about 20 graham cracker houses and prepare dinner for 40, ha ha ha) and finishing up things for the baby. But no, I sit on the couch and blog so my chubby little ankles will get some relief.

On Due Dates - As If You Care

I pretty much over analyze everything. Due dates are no exception, especially with this one.

With Clara, according to my cycle (and no, I'm not referring to a unicycle, Ryan), I was due December 15th. In my 8 week ultra sound, the fetal measurements indicated a December 22nd due date. We kept it at the 15th, Clara was born on the 21st and I was 6 days late. Or was I really 1 day early?

With this one, according to my cycle, I was due December 15th. (What are the chances... let's not analyze that piece too much). In my 8 week ultra sound, the fetal measurements indicated a December 25th due date. My doctor said if that due date is more than 10 days different than the counting method, they typically move the date, hence my 25th due date. If I hadn't had that ultrasound, I'd have the 15th as my due date and I probably would have been induced this upcoming week.

Instead, I have an induction scheduled on the 28th. According to my due date, that's only 3 days over due and it's giving me anxiety. Yet again, had I not had an ultrasound at that first appointment, it would appear to be a medically necessary induction and not a I-need-to-have-this-baby-by-the-end-of-the-year induction (tax credit, additional dependent, deductible doubles in 2011, see the need?). It makes me skeptical when I hear people being a week early or 2 weeks late.

I think this all boils down to my anxiety about being induced being only a few days over due. I know some people have had great experiences, and even prefer it that way, but I kind of like to let nature take its course. I don't want to be induced and we scheduled it just in case. At my appointment next week, my doctor said we'd reassess to decide if being induced only 3 days after my due date will create any sort of risk of complication. If so, we'll cancel the induction and wait it out. Having the baby in 2011 will cost us several thousand more than in 2010, but I'd rather be healthy and have a healthy delivery.

Of course I'm hoping we never even make it to the 28th... Clara said she hopes the baby is born on her birthday. I told her to pray for it. Ha.

Here you go, 39 weeks, 1 day and plenty blurry (not wearing anything over my belly other than my tank top makes it look nice and plump). Dressed in our Christmas colors, we attempted family pictures today before church. The lighting was bad, the timing was bad and trying to teach an almost four year old to smile seems impossible. So we tried for after church.

Take 1 Whoops, forgot to set the timer.

Take 2Still bad lighting, still haven't figured out how to explain to Clara how to smile and still wishing I had a better camera and a personal photographer to follow me around.

Better luck next time...

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Okay, it's not really that cold. But a rainy 60* compared to a sunny 80* feels cold here in Arizona. We took advantage of our wintry weather and had a morning of hot chocolate and ice skating* (think socks+tile). Nevermind that I was in a t-shirt and shorts...Then, since it also happened to be Clara's wedding day, she danced a little more and twirled all around. I asked her how she was getting married since she's too little to get married and she said, "Mom, my husband is just a baby husband." Awesome.

*This was Clara's idea. She told me I needed to get some socks on so we could ice skate. Just before we started, I got a phone call and Clara whispered to me: Hurry, the ice is breaking.

Am I Missing Something?

The more people offer to help once this baby is born, the more I worry that I am missing something. Is having a newborn harder than I remember?

With Clara, it was a breeze. Seriously. I got way more sleep than I did before she was born, I didn't have to wake up to an alarm clock each morning and get to work by a certain time, lots of people brought us food, my mom was my own personal maid for a week or more and my recovery was great. Having to adjust my routine for only one kid was a cinch. It wasn't like I took naps either. I know #2 will be a little trickier since I have the added dynamic of having Clara, but is it going to be that much harder?

I might be in denial, but my conclusion is this: for me, it all comes down to the role my excitement plays. It kind of overshadows all the dreaded parts of newborns. With Clara, I was so excited to be a mom. I was so excited not to be working. I was so excited to have my very own baby. I was so excited to start that phase of my life. With this one, I waited and wanted for a long time. Now that I am getting my wish, I am equally excited. I guess thoughts of the inevitable lack of sleep, the recovery, the diapering, the nursing, etc. is lost amongst that excitement, yet again.

For those of you wondering... my body hasn't changed a bit since last week. Shucks.

Party Time

We had a weekend of parties.

Friday night: Ward Christmas party
Favorite part: singing The Twelve Days of Christmas, each table responsible for one of the days Least favorite part: panicking that there wouldn't be enough food, doubling my recipe and having more leftovers than we could ever eat (anyone want to come over for dinner?)


Saturday afternoon: birthday party
Favorite part: launching off bottle rockets and watching Clara's reaction (probably the coolest idea for a 3 year old birthday party)
Least favorite part: showing up late and having to leave early

Saturday evening: Jason's family party
Favorite part: having it at our hoouse (and being able to visit with the adults in one room while the kids played and watched a movie in the other room)
Least favorite part: not taking a single picture until after everyone had left

Being on my feet for basically two days straight and eating too much salt has left me with sore, swollen ankles. If only I didn't have things going on every day of this upcoming week, I'd have hope that maybe the swelling would reside before the baby comes.