Dreams

At nights I have lots of anxiety about reality (I know, I know, where's my faith?). But sometimes reality is quite stressful. To help me go to sleep, I force wonderful thoughts into my head, hoping they become my dreams.

Tonight (last night?) I fell asleep on the couch after tying ribbon on a few gifts. It wasn't too late, but after five hours of sleep, being sick, working all day, making dinner, playing with Clara and working again, I couldn't help it. Jason was out playing basketball and carried me to bed when he got home.

Normally, those are good nights because falling asleep takes no effort. Unless, of course, I wake up to a nightmare, like tonight. There was a man in my house with a gun. Clara was awake so I told Jason to find the man while I got Clara. The man told Jason, he hadn't finished what he needed to do, stepped into Clara's room and pointed the gun at her in my arms. And then I woke up.

It was terrifying. My dreams are SO real and they stir up such strong emotions. I've woken up to many dreams with such real feelings (fear, elation, anger/resentment towards someone, sorrow, frustration, etc.). For a brief moment, I have to very consciously make myself separate reality and the dream. Tonight I woke up and wondered: are the doors locked? Is Clara asleep? Check and check. It didn't take long for the voice of reason to calm me down, but the horror was so startling and made me wide awake. Which means it will take a while to get ready for sleep again (why else am I blogging at four in the morning?).

Then I begin to wonder... is it foreshadowing? Is it symbolic? If so, what does it mean? Am I just concerned with evil in the world or was that a specific warning for me? Then I remember my last thought as the gun pointed towards us: a quick prayer for a miracle that the gun wouldn't work. But then, of course, I woke up, for which I am grateful because now it has become a choose-your-own-adventure book. And I wonder... would my faith be strong enough for the ending I chose?

Left vs Right

aka Anna vs Rachel/Angela

Don't ask why, but it's always been amusing to me to see how different the personalities are of me and my eight siblings. Sure, we have a lot in common. But there are also a lot of differences. Take, for example, my college education versus Angela and Rachel's. Accounting and Graphic Design are two very opposite methods of thought. I notice this occasionally, but spending five days with both of them several weeks ago made some of the differences even more pronounced.

Here's what I am talking about.

Deciding where to eat
price vs restaurant logo

First glance at menu
make a quick calculation of how much the meal will cost w/ tax and tip vs notice the logo uses a different type/font than the sign (see... I don't even know the difference between font and type...)

Observing signs
is it legible and does it look "okay" vs identifying the name of the font... and then other logos/signs that have utilized the same font and how a sign we drove by used the same font as Obama's campaign

There are some things that pictures can explain...

Shoes Self-portraits (no, I'm not saying Clara is my neck warmer...)

Kitchens

Okay, that was a joke... comparing Rachel's kitchen with my kitchen in Utah that she picked everything out for. Here's where I really cook. Nice and BLAH (minus Clara).

And there you have a small summary of an accountant's life versus a designer's life.

Um, yaaaah

What sounds better, going to bed early and waking up every 1-2 hours only to be kept awake for long spans of time by The Man (who's also sick) or staying up so late your body is so tired it has no option except to sleep until morning? Plan A didn't work out so well for me last night, so we're going with Plan B tonight. It's gotta be better than last night. To help my efforts, I thought I'd offer up some random pictures and random thoughts.

This little goose is hilarious. Today she stuck her legs straight in the air when I laid her on her back for her nap. Then tonight we were watching the Suns game for our FHE activity (hmm, I wonder who was in charge of FHE tonight) and if we laughed or got excited, Clara would start fake laughing really loud. She hates to be left out, that's for sure.

She likes to watch "ball", aka basketball. Normally it lasts all of 5 minutes or so (shortest attention span ever). If you look closely, you see her hands behind her head...... not sure where she picked it up.

I wore these tights to church Sunday. I'm pretty sure almost everyone that saw me was wondering what I was thinking. You know, when people just look at you, not sure what to say. Kind of like when I get Shingles on my face. It's very obvious I have a big scab on my face that shouldn't be there and people try not to let me know they saw it so they don't have to comment on it (not that I expect them to, I know it's awkward). But anyway, that's how these tights are. Guess how much I care? I don't. Our church building is FREEZING and these keep me nice and warm. And I'm pretty sure the kids in Nursery think they are awesome.

James' friend's sister's dog (read it again, to make sure you followed that) is a Great Dane (duh) and is HUGE. Clara almost got to ride it like a horse.

It's the most wonderful time, of the year.

Tonight Clara wanted to put Jason's socks on. She ran around like this until bed time.

Friday was Daniel's birthday. He's the mechanical mind in the family. He can fix almost anything. I used to tell him he should be a mechanical engineer. He told me his dream was to own a go cart shop and live in a shack in the back of it. Daniel has a tender heart, which he hides all too well and often.

Today is James' birthday. James is the miracle baby. It's no wonder he survived all that he did upon entering this world: he's got more energy than anyone I've ever seen. When he was younger, he'd run and run and run and run. He might just become a walking book of facts like my dad.

PS Tonight I am especially grateful for a nose, more specifically, nostrils. Try brushing your teeth and then washing your face breathing only through your mouth.

Sick. Again.

I was sick for almost two weeks and was finally getting my energy back (although work was sucking it back almost as quickly as I was getting it) and now I'm sick again. But don't worry, it's the congested head cold that makes me talk like a man.

What? You don't like to talk like a man?

I do. And here's why: I have a beautiful baritone voice for singing Christmas songs, I can disguise my voice amazingly well on the phone and my range of voices to draw from while reading Clara books nearly doubles (which, by the way, makes Clara very happy).

FOF - People

My great week was made possible thanks to these wonderful sponsors:

Sibling #1 - you know who you are and you know why.

Sibling #2 - you know who you are and you know why.

MIL - sending us a box of food AND half a cow. Okay, maybe not half of a cow, but you get the point. This delivery came at a particularly ironic moment of the week.

Friends - friend that made me dinner and friend that hosted a tea party. Might have even been the same person, guess you'll never know.

Family - (I know, I'm kind of cheating on this one) for watching and loving Clara. Grandpa and Lily took the day off on Wednesday and watched her all day, Grandma on Thursday night and Kathryn on Friday so Jason could go to his work holiday lunch.

Why didn't this happen sooner?

Today I went to a tea party.

We drank peppermint hot chocolate with whipped cream.

We ate cookies, cake and fruit.

We talked and laughed.

Oh lovely tea party, please come again soon.

Rilly Silly Goose

Clara makes me laugh all the time. Like today, when she was so tired from not getting a nap (running unsuccessful errands all afternoon is awesome), I told her to look at me when she wasn't minding and her big eyes look up and out the corner and blink rapidly. Yeah, I kept it together for about 10 seconds, but she continued (for a good 30 seconds or so) and I couldn't help it. Or when she took her pj's and panties off and got in the bath tub and turned the water on (it's the first time she's fully undressed herself too). Here are some of the times I was able to get it on camera... notice her facial expressions.

Never enough shoes... And she stomps around in them too, making it funnier. She's been into jumping off things lately. Here she's jumping from the speaker.

I told her to pick up my 45-lb. bucket of wheat. She tried. Seriously.

For a while, she would get my jacket and ask me to put it on her. Then she found the glasses too. She thought she was oh so cute.One afternoon as I was making dinner, I saw her grab Jason's scriptures. I was listening to make sure I didn't hear her tear the pages (she's normally pretty good at that) and didn't hear anything for a while. I assumed she was sitting on the couch just turning pages, but when I went to peek on her, I found her laying on her belly 'reading' out loud, content as could be.

One morning Jason went to get her out of her crib and I heard him start cracking up. I went in to see what was going on and this is what he'd walked into. Somehow, Clara had got her head out, but not her arms.

Dancing before church.

As we drive home from my parent's on Sunday nights, Clara is usually grumpy since it's past her bed time and she hasn't had a nap. To stop her whining, she likes to "hold my hand". A few Sundays ago, she wasn't happy until she could hold both mine and Jason's hands. If only I were that easily satisfied...

Clara loves to copy me, including putting on makeup. Notice the three dots of cover up in the middle of her forehead.

Here is Little Miss Awesome in all her glory. I eat lots of candy and consequently, there's lots of it around our house. Clara will typically make a note of where it is so that when I'm occupied, she knows right where to go to get herself a little treat. Usually this means I'm pressed to get something done for work so I will typically just let her do it so I can take care of whatever it is I'm working on. The other morning, that is exactly what happened. She just eats the treats and when I say her name, she looks at me like, asking me with her eyes: what are you going to do about it? Part of me wants to laugh, part of me wants to scream that I have no control over her and part of me wants to handle the situation maturely. Anyway, I was in bed working and she was on the other side of my night stand, so her head was covered with the lampshade and as I looked over, I saw her dump the mostly empty bag upside down and stick her little tongue out to catch the crumbs. It was awfully cute (I got some good pictures of it, don't worry). But then, I captured "the look", complete with her fluffy bedhead and slobber and crumbs running down her chin.

Catching Up... kind of

For weeks I've been telling myself 'when I get more time, I'll post that picture and tell about that'. With my schedule as of late, all of the thats just keep piling up because I'm always forcing people to cooperate with me for lots of picture taking. Farewell my Sunday and Monday night slumbers, I've got to get these pictures and memories recorded.

Last Sunday (the 30th), Kiri, Aaron, Adalyn and Jacob were in town. We've missed them these last few months and it was fun to see them again and get caught up on the things Adalyn is learning that are well beyond her years. Sunday night at my mom's was quite the party. Thank goodness Kiri lives in Utah so she had an extra coat for Clara to borrow. We're just not used to having to wear coats just yet.Roller coaster rides (not sure if Jack won't smile because he's having too much fun or if he's sad he was the only boy around)My parent's neighbor across the street has a beautiful home and property. He puts plenty of lights up for Christmas and plays his Christmas music over an outdoor speaker. I'm pretty sure it gets louder every year but I absolutely LOVE leaving my parent's at night during this time of year to hear it. It's awesome. Clara and Lucy enjoyed dancing to the music. Clara also got her first teeter-totter ride. And I promise she's not flipping the camera off. She has something in her hand, but notice the tree behind her. That's cool. Another thing that regularly happens on Sunday evenings are visits to Dr. Lily. She checks out the little ones and wraps up arms, legs and sometimes even heads. They love it. A little later, Amy came over. Of course I wouldn't feel complete without attempting a cousin picture. Not too shabby... getting six two year old toddlers to look at the camera. At one point, angel Clara appeared. Oh Kiri, when are you going to move back to Arizona? You know you want to so you don't have to live without us anymore. :) Now it's confession time. Well, I've already confessed to this, so perhaps a reminder: I AM NOT INTO DOGS. Never have been. They stink, they're loud, they tear things up, they are big. I just get grossed out. Until Lady Bug came along. This is Daniel's dog and she's the cutest little Daschund puppy. For the last two Sundays, I've let her sleep in my lap as we've visited. Yup, I like this dog so much I even took pictures with it. Clara likes her too... only a little too much at times.Fast forward... the night Clara stayed at my mom's, I took some pictures of her first spend the night with Grandma. She just walked out the door and turned to wave and say goodbye. Angela asked me if it made me sad that she didn't even care she was leaving. It doesn't. It actually makes me feel good and it puts me at ease knowing she's having lots of fun and gets to be with someone that loves her dearly. While Jason was gone, we put up the tree. I thought this was going to be the year that he helped me put it up. And then he went out of town. I guess he gets clean up duty. Clara helped me put ornaments on and loved it. However, she's been having a very difficult time leaving the candy canes alone. If I'm not nearby, she'll steal one (or two) and then try to hide it behind her back. If I try to get it from her, she'll lean/lay with her hands behind her back so I can't grab it without moving her. Little {cute} turkey.Clara loved talking to Jason while he was gone. She'd hold the phone and walk around the house, babbling non-stop. Thursday night Angela came over to bake cookies. I had written on this bag for something that I didn't use. Every time I'd get a cookie to eat, I'd laugh about what the bag said. Saturday afternoon was lovely. The weather was beautiful and I sat on my back porch for at least an hour reading while Clara kept herself entertained. She had a wipe and would soak up water with it, then "clean" anything she could find (the little plastic table, the cement, the window, her arm pits (don't ask), etc.). Obviously her wipe was brown with dirt and the water wasn't clean, but she had fun. And I enjoyed many things that make me happy all at once: watching Clara entertain herself in our awesome backyard, being outside in basically perfect weather and reading a good book. Yup, it was warm enough in December for her to play outside in her undies. Have I mentioned that scrawny little girls in undies and shoes are completely darling?

FOF - Almost

Jason was almost a criminal. At the airport Wednesday, he kept beeping when he walked through security. So they put him in the window room and searched his entire bag.

I almost found out what it was like to be a single working mom. I kind of know what it's like to be a single mom (while Jason was in school... now that he's done and always around and helping, I'm realizing how little he was around. I did everything husbandless: cleaning, pulling weeds, cooking, cleaning, shopping, vacations, getting oil changes, etc., etc. Please, however, don't think I'm saying I know what it's like completely. I still had him around every now and then). I also know what it's like to be a working mom (okay, not FT, but on the days I work, I get a glimpse). With Jason gone, I was going to have to wake up at about 5am to get myself ready, get Clara up and ready and packed in the car before 6am to make it to work on time. Then my lovely mother called and asked if I wanted her to pick Clara up so she could just sleep at her house. Why, yes, I think I would like that very much. It was a wonderful surprise. Even with the help, it was still exhausting. I don't know how those single mothers do it, especially when they're working full time and have more kids.

I almost got lonely the last two nights. But my mom and Lily were here Wednesday night and Angela was here Wednesday and Thursday night.

I almost got my tree put up and decorated this week. However, things have been a little chaotic. I put my decorations up, but the tree still lies in the box in the garage. Soon enough my little garage sale jewel.

I almost made dinner every night this week (first time in like three or four weeks because of my birthday, vacation and being sick).

Here's what we had...

M: mini penne w/ spinach cream sauce, cooked baby carrots and clementines (baby oranges)... wow, everything on the menu Monday was small.
T: fried bean and cheese burritos ("fried" = tortilla folded in half and cooked in a pan w/ a little butter), raw vegetables dipped in ranch (except Clara, she had raw vegetables and fingers dipped in ranch)
W: sweet potatoes, seasoned rice (kind of like homemade rice-o-roni that was WAY too salty) & steamed broccoli
R: my mom's :)
F: potato soup, steamed carrots & salad

The pasta I made on Monday was pretty good but it wasn't until I was cleaning up and doing the dishes after dinner that I realized how EASY it was and how few dishes I used. Here's what I used:

1 onion, chopped
4 tsp garlic (I use Christopher's Ranch when I don't have fresh)
thyme (1/2 tsp?)
basil (1 tsp or so if dried, 1/2 c. or so if fresh)
2 T olive oil
4 tsp flour
3-4 c. 1/2 & 1/2
1/2 c. Parmesan cheese
5 c. (approx) fresh spinach, stems removed
salt & pepper to taste
1 box pasta (I'd use penne or rotini, something like that)


Here's what I did:
Combine onion, garlic, oil, thyme and basil (if using fresh basil, wait until the end to add) in pan and saute until onion is tender. Add flour and let the oil absorb it. Add 1/2 & 1/2 and cheese. Heat until thickened. Add spinach, salt and pepper and basil (if using fresh). Cook until spinach is wilted. Pour over cooked pasta.


I have yet to not be amazed when I witness just how much spinach cooks down. When I threw the spinach in, I couldn't even see the sauce and envisioned cooked spinach with an occasional pasta noodle. But after the spinach cooked down, I was wishing I had added about 3 more cups. I also intended on adding mushrooms, but that idea went in the trash (literally) when I realized my mushrooms smelled like rotten fish. That can't be good. So next time, I'll use less onion and add sauteed mushrooms and more spinach.

Precious Moment Defined

Tonight Jason gave Clara a bath, got her ready for bed and then brought her to me for kisses goodnight. She's been so happy today and I didn't really want her to go to bed, not after the cute things she has done today. Knowing she needed to, I decided she could just fall asleep in our bed. The three of us laid in bed for about 20 minutes (before I consented to what I knew from the beginning: she'd never go to sleep in our bed), during which Clara would go back and forth on who she'd snuggle with. I'd open my eyes and see her big eyes and contagious smile inches from my face. She knew it'd make me laugh. And of course me laughing made her laugh. At one point she inch-wormed from Jason to me, then across me towards the computer, hoping I wouldn't notice her intention. She would wrap a little arm around us or would rub her baby's back and hum songs. She didn't stop moving for more than a minute or so.

Then, she laid on her belly, put one arm around Jason's neck and the other around mine and just sat there, squeezing. We kissed her cheeks and she just grinned. I wished someone was there to take a picture of Clara's little arms wrapped around us, cementing our little family. At that moment I sincerely wondered how life could possibly get better. Of course, I know the answer: it rarely does.

And it's days like this that the indention in my bottom lip gets more defined because Clara is so cute I can't stand it. So I bite down on my lip.
(Obviously I didn't take this picture, but Angela sure did.)