Busy Weekend=Long Blog

The bad thing about trying to document what I did each day for several days is that I forget all the little details that make up the stories of the day. Without the details, there are no stories. On Friday night, Jason and I babysat for Lucy and Elsa. All three babies (obviously Clara was with me) were only awake together for a little over an hour, but trying to get them all ready for bed at once caused me to realize I will be just fine if I never have triplets. Twins would be a lot of work, but triplets might just push someone to insanity. Anyway, we shut ourselves in the playroom as Ryan and Kathryn left because Jason wasn't there and we needed to distract the twins. The best distraction for Elsa was Clara. As Clara was crawling away, Elsa went over and stomped on her pant leg and just stood there, smuggly watching Clara squirm as she tried to crawl away. It was pretty funny; if only I had it on camera to capture Elsa's look declaring her innocence.

On Saturday morning we had a Pack Meeting at 800am. I planned on taking Clara, but after she didn't fall asleep until 1000pm at Ryan and Kathryn's, woke up at Midnight as we were leaving (and stayed WIDE awake the entire way home) and woke up again at 545am, I thought it'd be wise to just have Jason feed her when she woke up. I'm glad I did because I was able to help a lot more at the Pack Meeting and Clara slept until 830am. Last month's theme was "Down on the Farm" so we went to Nylene's in-law's 'ranch'. For the games we planned to do barrel racing with stick horses and corraling the "pigs" (aka balloons). I obliged when Nylene asked me to demonstrate the barrel racing. Why should I be ashamed to gallup around on a stick horse? I shouldn't, so I did it. I can't wait to see those pictures.

Anyway, Saturday evening we went to an engagement party for my friend Erin that I used to work with and went to school with. It was at her parent's in Anthem and I went back and forth on whether or not I should bring Clara and finally decided to leave her with my mom (after Jason admitted he wouldn't be holding her much if we brought her). It was during the hours leading up to our departure that I realized I am completely and pathetically paranoid. The whole time I worried about our messy house and that I didn't have our Will ready in case something happened to us. We were driving to Anthem, roughly 45 miles from my mom's house, but I seemed to have the degree of worrying involved when parents leave their children to travel around the world. I told my mom that Angela gets Clara and to liquidate all of our assets and save all of the money for Clara. Angela, with the money you can buy ONE piece of Eames furniture for Clara's room. Ha.

The party was great, which I completely anticipated. They certainly know how to host a party and the food was amazing! My very favorite was the Pear and Blue Cheese salad, which is interesting since I don't even like blue cheese. Seriously, look how the tables were set, they didn't miss a single detail.

And here is the beautiful bride-to-be. She is one of those people that looks perfect every time you see her. A guy we used to work with that was really bad with names nicknamed her "Perfect Hair". Before dinner, they had us write down words of wisdom/advice for Jason and Erin to read, one a week until the wedding. They handed out quarter sheets of paper and I laughed and asked Erin if she thought I'd be able to fit all my advice on it. She knows me better and said, "Just put your advice on the blog..." Ha ha, soon enough, but not now.Jason and I with Erin and Jason... During college, two of my favorite Accounting friends had significant others named Jason and by this time next year, we'll all be married to them! There was another girl in a bunch of our classes that was married to a Jason as well, pretty funny. I am so excited for Erin and Jason. Weddings are such happy times and marriage can be wonderful. Yeah for the happy couple!Next to my fascination with the decorations, was the backyard. It was just so quaint and I admitted that if it was my backyard, I'd just sit back there and read on the lounge chairs all day. There was just a very serene ambiance back there. I, of course, couldn't get enough pictures. Jason, on the other hand, was wondering why we were taking engagement pictures for us. Is there something wrong with taking pictures of the two of us? I don't think so, and besides, you'd think he'd be used to it by now. I love parties. I love hosting and I love attending. I always tell Jason, "Someday, when I have my party house..."

Today in Church Clara smacked me in the face with something. Jason said, "Yeah, it looks like you are going to have a black eye, oh wait, that's just the dark bags under your eyes." I was like hmmm, what a sweet thing to say. What I didn't remember, until he realized I didn't get the joke and told me, was a few years ago we were at the Clinique counter and the lady was saying a product would probably work really well to cover up the dark bags under my eyes. Okay, I don't have perfect skin or a perfect face, but dark bags under my eyes? I'm glad I can't see them! :) After Church, Clara decided she'd just jump around in her bed and talk to herself rather than take a nap again. So I had to go have a little visit with her and remind her it was naptime. This time I did it after 15 minutes and not 30 minutes like last week.

Tonight we went to my mom's for dinner. She made me Pasta Milano and cheesecake for dessert. It was SO good and yes, it is certainly better than Macaroni Grill, especially when she puts extra cream in like she did tonight. YUM! I'm not sure who was enjoying life more in this picture: Clara getting to eat cheesecake or Auntie Angela getting to feed it to her. Perhaps it was the horsey rides I gave when I was babysitting that inspired Elsa to try and ride Clara. Or maybe it was that Clara is just so vulnerable since she can't walk. Either way, Elsa saw no harm in walking over to Clara and plopping down on her back for a ride, a ride she never got for obvious reasons. And can you see that look on her face? It's the one she gives when she is making her statement of innocents, because honestly, would that sweet face ever hurt anyone? (Let us not look past my dad's long sexy leg in the background!)Lately Clara has been doing some pretty funny things. The other day I asked her to smile for a picture and this is what I got.

She also tickles me. She had been doing it for a few weeks until I realized what she was doing. I tickle her a lot around her neck, so she will do it to me when I hold her close to me and it really does tickle, so I laugh and she laughs at me. She has also discovered a new noise: breathing in with her throat a bit closed so it makes a high pitched wheezing noise. More frustrating than funny, she has developed an extreme dislike for her pj's. Every time I start snapping them up, she starts trying to push my hands away, thrashes around and pulls at her clothes like she's going to die if I leave them on. She's also started showing off. She will smile at people and loves attention, but the second they reach their arms out to hold her, she shys away into my chest. She walks around furniture fairly easy but still isn't interested in crawling the "right" way. Tonight someone very appropriately compared her scooting to a slithering snake. She is so fast and the way her body moves side-to-side really does make it look like she's slithering. Goose, snake, whatever she is, I couldn't love her more!

Secret Wishes

I am pretty much a nerd and I'm okay with that. However, that status was elevated to geek in college when I got my CIS degree. Congratulations, yeah for me, I'm a geek. I had one friend that kindly welcomed me every day in one of our accounting classes with, "What's up, dork!" I remember in my CIS cap course my Senior year the teacher had us share why we chose to pursue a CIS degree and my response was, "For fun." The only response I found more uncommon than that was a classmate who was a concert pianist and chose to get his CIS degree as a backup. I knew all along it was much more likely I'd use my accounting degree to build my career because let's face it, very good IT people have an innate quality that I don't. They were computer geniuses before ever opening up a book. I knew a future in accounting for me was much more promising than something relating to CIS.

Fast forward three and a half years (that's right, I'm old)... My bedroom is in need of some serious de-junking. Several times, I have tried to get rid of my programming books and I can't. I secretly wish I still coded because I miss it. Getting a program to work was like solving an incredibly intense math problem, only the results were visual, so even more gratifying. I still have every book I used and every project I turned in. The books were always close to $100 so at one point this stack of books was worth about $500-$600 (like many things related to technology, they were often outdated by the time the semester was over, unfortunately). I can't even begin to describe how many hundreds of hours I spent on my projects. Some only took 10-15 hours, but some took 40-50 hours. I could almost count on an all-nighter the night before a project was due. It's as if I feel like I will lose a little piece of my identity if I get rid of these books, a piece that very few people know about, which is why I guess I think it's even more important to hang onto. I'm strangely sad knowing I will most likely NEVER again open these books. Additionally, I may never write another program ever again. Even if I did get back into it, I would be so far behind because I haven't kept up on it over the years. The first language I learned was C++, then Java. I also learned HTML, XML and SQL, but Java was huge when I was in school. My Senior year was the last year ASU was teaching any Java, so by the time I graduated even that was outdated. So, why do I keep these bulky books that take up space and collect dust? And that's where you come in, to give me moral support and encourage me to get rid of them. Tell me I won't be less of a person if I never write another program in my life and it will be okay. Or, tell me there is a club for amateur geeks that write simple programs for fun... that would be even better!

Guilt

Today I had a staff meeting for work at 1pm and then a meeting with a new client at 330pm. Normally, I take Clara to the staff meetings with me but will find someone to watch her during the client meetings (this is only the second one in like five months, so I figure it's harmless). Anyway, I asked Kathryn to watch her and she offered to watch her during my other meeting too so I decided it would be good because then Clara could get a longer nap. I dropped her off at 1pm, went to the meeting, went back to Kathryn's at 230pm and played with Clara until 320pm, went to my client meeting and went back and got her at about 530pm. I felt SO guilty for leaving her for so long. I didn't want to let her go and felt like I'd been gone forever. It made me so grateful, once again, for having the opportunity to work from home. I just couldn't leave her every day... especially not with someone that locks her in a dark closet... I always wonder if working moms get used to having to leave their kids, if it doesn't really bother them in the first place or if they just are sad every day. I'm sure everyone has a different explanation depending on the person and the circumstance.

From Kathryn's, we went to Superstition Ranch Market and then to Hunt's for dinner. I love that place, so many memories, and Judy just makes everyone feel so welcome and like you are her favorite ex-employee. Judy felt bad that I paid for my food while she wasn't paying attention, but I reminded her of all the free food I got for years when I worked there. :)Seriously, I'd sit in the corner and just eat aand eat and eat. She'd get so mad because I ate like a cow and didn't gain weight. Plus, she sent me home with some food for Jason. It was nice to have somewhere to go so we didn't have to sit home alone all night. Anyway, I got home around 8pm and had to feed Clara, put her to bed and then bring the groceries in and then put them away. I am glad that's not how every day is and I feel bad for all of the single working moms out there. I just can't imagine how exhausted they must get!

Sucker

On Halloween night, we went with my mom across the street for some chili and cornbread. I didn't take ANY pictures with my camera, but took plenty with my mom's and Angela took some. We came home to hang out, pass out candy and be lonely without Jason (he was at his friend's studying). We had very few trick-or-treaters come to our house. My neighbor said something about our light being set back so people passed by. Sure enough, I opened the door and watched tons of kids walk right past. A group of girls that did make it to our door said as they were leaving, "See, I told you we should go to that house even though you said it was scary..." Hmmm, I guess next year I need to make my front door a little more inviting!

Well, Clara got her treat for the night: one sucker. As I was unwrapping it, she was flapping her hands and couldn't wait. I put it in her mouth... She pulled it out with her right hand, felt it with her left hand...
Put it back in her mouth with her right hand...
Took it out and grabbed the top with her left hand... Then stuck the stick in her mouth while her left hand held the sticky part.I helped and put the right end in her mouth, and then she did her little routine all over again. In fact, she did it every time I tried to help. It was funny. After that and her trying to crawl all over with it in her hand, I just put her in her seat. It had gum in the middle and she surprised me by sucking it all the way down to the gum. Too bad that's when it was conveniently time for bed, I'm sure she'd love gum!

Four Days

Lots has been going on the last four days, but I think today is the day that I might get mostly caught up. A few reasons last Thursday was awful (mind you, it would not have been half this bad if we weren't so poor): paid $25 to the Dr. to tell them I had Shingles and what to prescribe, went to CVS to get the pills and the sav only to find out the pills were $13 but the sav was $65 for an itty bitty tube. I decided not get get it, got the pills (the PA told me I could take them if I was nursing) and went to the zoo. At the zoo, I read the package on the pills and noticed it said not to take while breastfeeding so I called the pharmacist and she said high concentrations of it go in the milk and it's not safe. I don't want to stop nursing and I wouldn't be able to "pump and dump" so after some convincing from Jason (after he said, "We can always get more money" he explained he meant for health costs, especially something that could affect my vision, he'd take a loan against his 401(k)), I went back to CVS, bought the sav and prayed it would stop the Singles from going into my eye. While at the zoo, I got a call saying we had to have our house in Utah unlisted for 30 days before we could get long-term financing. Fact: our loan matures Nov. 1st. Obviously we didn't have 30 days. I went to Chase and they said that is standard. I called my bank and explained the situation. By the time I called my realtor to tell her we needed to take our house off the market, I was emotionally exhausted and had a 45 minute theraputic phone call with her. She kindly told me, "It's just money." Actually, it's not just money, it's the risk of having a home foreclosed on not because we can't come up with the money to pay for it, but because of standards in the lending industry that very few people know about but them (the bank even admitted that to me). Anyway, long story short, it was all too much.

Since then, these are a few of the things we've been up to... We had our Trunk-or-Treat on Saturday night. I made Clara's Tinkerbell costume (wings, dress & shoes) with no pattern and I think it turned out just darling. Or maybe she's just darling... I borrowed some stuff from Kathryn too, so that helped limit how much I spent. It was a wee bit too tight on her belly so we'll see if I get around to modifying it before tonight. This is as close to a sucker as Clara got. Jason wouldn't let her have one and he even took this one away worrying she was consuming too much paper. Hopefully tonight I can sneak her a sucker.
One of Clara's favorite tricks is to ride the horse. I started it last week when she was super cranky and she LOVES it. I'm sure I look and sound like the biggest fool when I'm here alone with her, galloping around our house with her on my back as I nay, but she loves it, and that's what counts.

Also, we got pre-approved for our long-term financing for our house in Utah, so that is a relief. Hopefully it goes through as expected. If not, we have a willing co-signer, but the last thing I want to do is bring someone else into this disaster. Once it gets finalized, we will know just how poor we will be. Now, we are poor with the anxiety of not knowing how poor that is, so actually knowing will be better. Now we just need to keep bugging people to get it done. I was so frustrated yesterday realizing we were on the brink of foreclosure with this home and it wasn't because we didn't make payments, it wasn't because we couldn't come up with the money to make the payments, it was because the house still isn't done and now we are in a huge pickle of trying to buy (literally) just a few more weeks to get financing. If the house had been done months ago, we could have converted to long-term financing, saved thousands of dollars and not felt the stress of the crunch we're in now. So there appears to be a small light at the end of the tunnel

Foreign Concept

Yesterday I figured today would be better since unless a major catastrophe happened, I'm pretty sure it couldn't be worse than yesterday. Lucky for me, I was right! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't because of anything I did, but rather some of the sweet people in my life. Beka and Kathryn called to make sure I was alive, which I am. Alive and well? Not so much, but I'm alive. Angela brought me and Jason Golden Spoon and they happened to have the best combo every: Boysenberry and Cheesecake. I guess all of the bossing around when we were younger got Angela into a good habit... ;) She also brought me some seeds to plant to add to my happiness.

Then, Jason left work at Noon. Tomorrow he's taking the 'FE' (Fundamentals of Engineering) exam, so he came home to finish up some school work and to study. We also went to get his watch battery changed and get a few things at the store. It's been forever since we've done anything like that together, certainly a foreign concept as of late. Just our short little errand trip made me SO anxious for next May to come. I can't imagine having this luxury much more frequently than once a year! Oh boy, oh boy, it will be fun.

The other things that made me happy today were: 1. Walking down the aisle in Wal Mart and seeing ONE peppermint Chapstick for 88 cents. There are only two Chapstick flavors that work for me (and the only two chapsticks I prefer): Medicated and Peppermint. The peppermint is so cool. A few years ago when I was in Show Low for work, I bought some. It's almost gone and I thought I'd never find any again, but I did, and it was EIGHTY-EIGHT cents! 2. Clara's costume is mostly done (the hard part anyway) and I think it turned out pretty good. I just hope it fits, I might have gotten it a wee bit too small. 3. Clara giggling when she got to ride the horse (aka me). 4. My Shingles starting to scab over: less pain and less risk of it going into my eye. 5. Knowing Emily and her family had a home to go into today when they were let back into Fallbrook. 6. Going to JIB (Jason's parents sent him some birthday money and that's what he spends EVERY $ he gets on: food) so I didn't have to eat spaghetti for a seventh time this week (no exaggerations). 7. Clara taking two super good naps. 8. Jason telling me I have a fun job (being a mom) and wondering how I don't sleep all day long, because that's what he'd do. 9. Watching Jason play with Clara (I loved this for many reasons: it meant Jason was home, it made me so glad I have a husband who loves kids, especially Clara and Clara was happy). and... 10. Eating a carmel apple for breakfast.

Is There Something on My Face?

I am soooooo thankful for the sweetest baby ever that makes the worst days ever (i.e. yesterday) endurable.

All Sorts of Stuff

Today I was so excited for Scouts. For the activity, I had the boys make these beaded Indian headdress neckerchief slides and I think they look so cool. The boys liked them too... I think it's the first thing I've had them do they really enjoyed.

Also, garden update: I must confess, I never actually planted radishes. I even watered the squares the first few days forgetting it was just dirt. Ha. I intended to, but when I went to the store to buy the seeds, they were all out and Angela reminded me I needed to plant Marigolds to keep the bugs out. End result? One of my radish squares became a tomato plant (not tomato season, but the plant was free) and the other is home for the Marigolds (not my flower of choice, but if it keeps the bugs out...) It's been one week and one day and I have at least one plant coming up of every kind. Most of them are itty bitty and when I went to take pictures tonight, I didn't even see them, Jason pointed them out, but they are there! How cool is that? Aren't seeds amazing? They do NOTHING until they are planted in soil and have the proper nourishment and then they become living plants and produce food. And to think just over a week ago some were as small as a little fleck of pepper. I also planted some other flowers hoping they'd make me happier. I love flowers and I love growing things, so obviously I'm enjoying my flowers.

Other than that, Clara is recovering from a cold and I'm hacking non-stop and waking up all night. I used to never get sick and this is our second round in the last few months. I think I'm just so worn down that my body can't fight off anything... Last night I could tell I was getting a cold sore under my nose and thought, just what I need. But I wasn't surprised: no sleep + sickness + maximum stress = cold sores for Anna. Well, apparently that wasn't enough, because today I sprouted a big FAT patch of Shingles by my eye. If you've known me long enough, you've seen the beauty of it. I know I haven't had Shingles since I've been married, but Jason told me he's never seen it, so it's been maybe six years or so. I'm pretty sure that's my body saying I can't handle anymore... because that was really the cherry on top! Looking on the brightside, I suppose I can now go as a Leper for Halloween. Ah ha ha. :)

Enemies

As I'm sure many people have, occassionally I have been very hurt by someone I consider a good friend. The first time it happened, I was very troubled by the way I felt towards the person that hurt me and so I did what I normally do when I have a problem: think about how to solve it, think of no solution, pray about it and then realize the answer is surely somewhere in the scriptures. So I did just that and you may not be surprised at one of the scriptures I read (Matthew 5:44) that gave a simple (not easy...) answer. Before I could do good to someone I felt had caused me such hurt, I first had to pray. So pray I did. Fortunately, I leared this lesson when I did and was able to apply it then and in subsequent situations. Today in Sunday School we were discussing one of Paul's messages (Romans 12) about not avenging and I was reflecting on the past (and current) experiences I've had in my life. I am thankful for this knowledge, especially now that I am in the middle of having to currently apply it in my life due to an apparent mix up that I have been involved in (how, I don't know, but I'm trying not to worry about that...).

Anyway, the really neat thing about the process is that as I pray for those who have hurt me (their well-being and if there is anything I know that they are specifically in need of), the feelings of hurt and resentment for what that person did fades away. I feel deep, sincere concern for the people. Then, even more amazing is when I realize I need help and I pray that I will be able to forgive this person and see them as God would. It is a very neat experience and the change of heart toward the individual is so real. Obviously, this doesn't change the person. It could effect them, but they are on their own to change. However, that's when we just have to know that we did our part and are not adding any of our own wrong doings to the problem. We have to trust that God will take care of anything not properly taken care of in this life. In situations where I have done this, I promise it made me happier and made any bad feelings towards the person who hurt me go away. I no longer felt anger towards the person, I hoped the best for them and had peace in my heart towards them. What a blessing the scriptures are in our lives when we liken them to us.

Bubble Wrap & Beavers

During finals week one semester at ASU they were handing out pieces of bubble wrap for students to use to de-stress. I got some and am going to pop every last one of those little bubbles. It works, I swear... I have been feeling great all day! And now onto to something highly disturbing... I've discovered we have a beaver living in our home. When I got Clara out of bed from her nap, I noticed a bunch of scratches on the top of the ledge. As I was looking at them and thinking how bothered I was that our beautiful crib is slowly getting destroyed, I noticed even worse scratches inside the crib. I don't know how I didn't notice this sooner unless it just happened yesterday (when she (the beaver is a girl, I'm sure of it) woke up from her first nap yesterday, she didn't cry, but babbled to herself for a good 20 minutes... so I'm wondering if there was a reason she wasn't crying...). I called Jason hoping he'd understand why I was so distraught and share in my sorrow. All he had to say after he got done laughing was, "Next thing you know, we're going to go in there and there will be a dam."