Beauty Within

My good friend once told me that she thinks fruits and vegetables are beautiful. I probably made fun of her when she said something about it, but since then, I've paid more attention. Most really are beautiful (maybe not potatoes).

A few weeks ago I bought a box of oranges from my favorite little orange stand. They were the "seconds" so they were super cheap and pretty ugly.
But inside, every one was full of pure beauty: delicious taste, lovely smell and pretty looks. Oh, they were tasty! Just as tasty as the ones in the mysterious bag left on our porch several weeks ago. We've been eating a lot of oranges, but we just couldn't get through the 20 pound box, so I decided to juice the rest of them and some other citrus I have been given (thanks citrus donors :)).

Even the juice is pretty.

I've realized this is something else I'd miss terribly if I ever had to move from Arizona: the delicious fresh citrus that is so plentiful.

PS This was the only one that wasn't exactly beautiful. Especially not when a little two year old finger poked through it. Apparently I'm really good at growing mold. You might want to think twice before you come to my house.

PPS Dear person that put a bag of oranges on my doorstep several weeks ago: We loved them. I thought it was someone in my family, but they say no. Maybe they're lying. Anyway, thanks for your thoughtful generosity.

Money, Money, Money (you know, like the song)

My dad will tell you I used to iron my money as a child. Which might be true. Hey, I was OCD and obsessed with money, what else would you expect? That was the only way to get my wads of cash to lay nice and flat. It also made them a little more crispy. You should try it sometime. You'd probably even do it a second time.

My mom might remember the time I asked her if she'd pay me for each hymn I played on the piano without a mistake. Manipulation at its finest. First it was 142 and then 239. If you play the piano, you know those hymns are the two EASIEST in the book. Play them a few times and you'll basically have them memorized. Don't worry, I didn't try to earn money to buy something special. I earned money to save it. I didn't see a point in spending it... what was the point of earning it to begin with if you were just going to spend it?

Whether you know me for reals (have ever spoke to me in person) or for fakes (just read my blog), you've probably picked up on the fact that I kind of like to talk about money. Even if I don't have any, I still enjoy discussing it. I'll tell you how much I paid for my house, how much my mortgage is, how much I spend here, how much I save (that one is obvious now however, so I wouldn't be revealing much of a secret), etc. To me, I don't care if people know that about me. I'll tell you how you can save money or how I think you should spend your money. I like to see how profitable businesses are and analyze ways I think they could improve. It's fun to see how long of a way you can make a little go. (Got that?)

So anyway, I am fascinated (in a disgusted sort of way) when I read articles like this. I'll share the one part that made me shake my little head back and forth. They are referring to the most recent stimulus bill in regards to helping homeowners that are struggling to pay: "But that approach hasn’t worked. Of the hundreds of thousands of homeowners who have worked out new mortgage terms with lenders, as many as half find themselves “re-defaulting” on their new loans."

What? HALF they say. 50%.

To me, that's simply amazing. But it teaches a very important lesson: educating someone is far more valuable than anything you can give them. This goes for the businesses too. If businesses are in trouble and you throw money at them, they learn nothing and my guess is, when the next tough economic time rolls around, they'll be the ones struggling once again. People have got to take responsibility for their actions and do everything they can to weather the storms that come before they ask for help or give up.

I am very aware that some people have been faced with difficult and unavoidable financial circumstances and they have no other option than to foreclose. I am not saying every defaulted mortgage is someone who is irresponsible and careless with they money. I'm not saying that everyone with financial problems is bad. If I were, that judgment would fall first, and rightfully so, on my shoulders. I'm just saying that if half the people that have received some sort of mortgage help have re-defaulted on their new loans, that's a big red flag that something is not right. Is there a politician that understands this??

Anti-Valentine's Day

I could love Valentine's Day. It's all about things I enjoy: romance, pink, red, white, love, candy, love notes, hugs, kisses, flowers. But I don't, because there's no one to enjoy it with. Oh yes, I'm still married, but this wife got lost long ago somewhere between video games and college basketball. No, not even just college basketball. Make that Sports Center.

When I was single, Valentine's Day was just a reminder of my relationship status. When not single, a reminder that expectations, even at their lowest, often bring disappointment. And disappointment on the day of love is much worse than disappointment the other days of the year. If I could have no expectations, I'd be good. But there's always the part of me that hopes, so zero isn't possible. Not all of them have been bad. However, somehow, I have a much harder time remembering the good ones. So I assume that's because the bad were so much worse than the good were good.

The worst ever was before I'd even met Jason. It might make you cry, but because we live in such a small world, I better not share it. No need to make anyone relive any guilt. Besides, it makes me laugh now. It was the first, last and ONLY time I've ever been stood up. Too bad that wasn't the worst of it. But like I said, now it's just a funny story.

Despite this, I enjoyed my Saturday with Clara. I let her eat chocolates and gum (half the package, which was chewed until she drank some water and accidentally swallowed the whole wad) in my bed while she watched a movie so I could work on my horrifying bedroom. She was happy and that made me happy.
That evening, Jason and I went to a Murder Mystery Dinner our Ward put on. It was pretty fun, but somehow I was the one at our table that got voted as the murderer. I was totally innocent. Just look at me! I was excited to go because we have an awesome Activities Committee, but I must admit, they exceeded my expectations.

FOF - Costco

It's been a while since I've visited my neighborhood Costco. It's just torture going there with no money to spend. However, I needed to purchase software for work and we haven't had cheese for several weeks. Not to mention Clara has gone only two places all week long that weren't within walking distance. I decided we were going to have a little mommy-daughter date, share a $1.50 hot dog and drink and enjoy the plentiful free samples.

For some unknown reason, the Costco was COVERED in people. It was insane. It was worse than the day after Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve day. The checkout lines were backed up into the food. Who knows. I joked with the lady behind me that it was all this talk of another stimulus rebate. I guess people feel so much more confident spending money.

I usually take my time in Costco. I just like walking around. I'd say my average time there is an hour. Today, it was nearly two and I didn't change my patterns/habits at all. In fact, I probably was quicker than normal. So I think my agitation and the five reasons I wanted to scream on my Costco adventure are totally justified.

1. Mr. Bluetooth Man: Hey buddy, if you're going to tell someone every single item that's in your cart (which is overflowing) via your bluetooth ear piece, please step aside because obviously you aren't paying attention to where you're walking. Did you think I was just standing in the aisle watching people checkout? Nope, I was in that line too.
2. Impatient Grumpy Man: You don't think I want to get in the shorter line too? Sorry I'm moving a bit slow, but in case you hadn't noticed, I have my own cart with my two year old in it AND some random man's cart I offered to watch. Perhaps you could wait to see what someone else intends to do before trying to shove past the three people ahead of you in line. Ease up!
3. Dearest Snowbird: I don't expect you to push your cart as fast as me. Enjoy your relaxed 85th year of life. However, when three of you all position your carts in the aisles, the rest of us can't move. And with each bite of the sample you eat (the reason you stopped to begin with), we get more and more agitated. I'm pretty sure that's why Ponytail Man walked away talking in a loud, annoyed voice.
4. We-have-too-much-time Couple: Just because you have lots of extra time doesn't merit you wasting it. Waiting for a car to leave a parking space that clearly won't be available for several minutes just so you can be 15 seconds closer to the entrance is not considerate of all those that simply want to drive down that aisle in the parking lot.
5. Mr. Bluetooth Man: Oh, it's you again! Imagine that. You know, when someone (ME) offers to watch your cart while you get a phone number to order pizza, that's a nice gesture. Maybe you could return the favor and not only hurry, but upon returning let me go in front of you. Or maybe not.

Rest assure, I didn't scream. And the lady behind me stuck up for me to Grumpy Impatient Man and made funny comments about Mr. Bluetooth Man. When I grow up, I'm gonna be cool like her.

Cooky

Last night as I was about to turn out my light, nearly 1am, I remembered I'd told a friend I'd send her a cookie recipe. With my computer turned off and my alarm scheduled to go off in less than five hours, I wrote "cookie" on my hand to remember to somehow get her the recipe before I left for my meeting.

That's when it dawned on me that the word "cookie" doesn't make sense. Cookies, yes. Cookie, no. What about family? And tardy? And puppy, army, party, sky, reply, marry and study? I'm glad English is my primary language because trying to learn it as a second language would likely be a little confusing.

And since we're talking about cookies...

Imagine a COOKY PARTIE. A clean kitchen full of fresh baked cookies waiting to be frosted and decorated. All the kids sit at a clean table, decorate their cookies and then play while the adults visited and finished up. Then, admiration of our hard work.

That's what I imagined for my COOKY PARTIE.

Then there's reality.

After my 7:30am meeting in Phoenix lasted until 9:45am instead of 8:30am like I'd planned, I knew I was in trouble. I still had to attend to another work obligation so I got home at 11:00am. Friends came at 11:05am. This wouldn't have been too bad had I baked the cookies last night (instead of working, shame on me). I was trying to get the cookies in the oven so I made Beka and Rachel make their own lunch. Then Beka made the frosting. Meanwhile, I turned my clean kitchen into a total disaster while the kids had fun decorating their cookies and eating frosting.

I could have decorated a few pretty cookies, shown you the picture and pretended my COOKY PARTIE went the way I'd imagined. But this is how it really ended up.
And this is how I ended up.

I had fun. Clara had fun. And hopefully the chaos didn't scare anyone away. But next time I host a COOKY PARTIE, I'll definitely know how to close the gap between reality and my imagination. Such as, don't schedule it for a day I have back to back work obligations.

Little Things

Jason came home last night and informed me of the following:

Bad news: They are closing the office he works in, he has to commute to Phoenix now (I did it for 2 1/2 years so I don't feel too bad for him, but I feel bad for me because I have to wait that much longer for him to come home :)) and they are reducing his pay.

Good news: He still has a job, he'll be able to work 32-40 hours a week at least until May (which, even at a reduced pay, is better than the 24 he's been working) and he can carpool with his friend to work.

Sometimes life is one thing after another. For a minute, that got old. But now it's more or less entertaining to see what is next.

A few weeks ago I had a little experience. I won't bore you with the details (and besides that, they are a little personal), but I realized that I have never gone without so I really have no reason to worry. In one way or another, our needs will be met. Always have been, always will be as long as we're doing our best at doing what we should. So, when you ask me how I'm doing and I say I'm good, I'm serious. The peace that comes into our lives from the Holy Ghost is an unmatched comfort.

I've also been feeling especially grateful for the career I sought eight years ago. At the time, I had no idea how it would bless our current lives. I'm fascinated every time I ponder other decisions I made and other "little" blessings that we've received over the last several years that seemed so insignificant at the time, yet have made such a significant impact. Sometimes the little things matter most.

Rules

Growing up, I wasn't allowed to have boys in my room. That's a pretty fair rule. Since Clara is so young, I haven't yet enforced such a rule.

However, all that's going to change.

Landon and Braden were over today. Clara locked them in her room, pooped in her panties and took her panties off, making a total mess. Her, the boys' socks, toys, carpet, towel, etc. Apparently locking boys in her room inspired her to do a little poo poo dance. Rules have gotta start sometime, like today. No more locking the door with boys in the room.

Just now, she had snot dripping out of her nose. I got a Kleenex, told her to come blow her nose and she stared at me and sniffed as hard as she could, over and over and over until that little trail of snot went right back up into her nose where it came from.

Not seeing clearly...

When we first built our house in Utah, we joked that we'd rather file for Bankruptcy than live in Utah. As time went on, we joked about moving there. Now, after spending more time in it and experiencing more frustration here with job opportunities, we talk about moving to Utah without the joking.

Sigh.

Really big sigh.

When I have hard decisions to make, I create pro and con lists to assist me. Yesterday, I made a list of the reasons I want to stay in Arizona and the reasons I want to move to Utah. There were lots on each list, but it all came down to one Arizona pro vs. one Utah pro.

The main reason, and most significant reason, I would have a terrible time leaving Arizona would be my family. My parents and six of my eight siblings live here. Jason's parents and all six of his siblings live here. I've always said I'd be okay moving away from my family if we needed to, but I would never volunteer to leave. I'm no dummy, I have the coolest family. Not to mention they are always helping me out, especially my mom.

The main reason, and a very necessary reason, we'd move to Utah is to lighten the financial predicament we're currently in.

Once I realized it all boiled down to these two things, I just got a headache. Family is the most important thing in my life. No question about that. Just the thought of living away makes me cry. On the flip side, being able to provide food and shelter isn't really optional. I'm pretty sure it falls under the necessities in life. So you see, I don't want to move away from that which is most important to me. But obviously we've got to provide for our needs. How ironic is it that necessities take priority to the things that are most important?

Off we went, home we came

Last Monday, as in January 26th, I made the mistake of telling Clara in four days we were going to go on a long trip to see the snow. I told her we'd be in the car all day long so she would have to take a nap. She listened to and remembered all of that, except for the "in four days" part. So Monday thru Thursday, every time we got in the car, she told me she was going to take a nap. When we pulled into our destination, she cried that it wasn't snow. Every morning and afternoon when she woke up, she would inquisitively say, "Snow?".

Alas, the four days passed. We headed out late Friday morning and less than a mile from our house, Clara told us she was going to take a nap, closed her eyes and did her best to fool us into thinking she was taking a nap and fool herself into thinking she'd see snow any minute. The trip took about 10 hours and went great. Although Clara only took an hour nap the entire drive, she was super good. She stayed dry even though we only stopped in Page and Spanish Fork. Highlights from the trip... 1: Clara tapping her feet to the rhythm of the music; 2: the "test zone" with 80 MPH speed limits (almost made Jason want to move to Utah); 3: Jason teaching Clara how to bump to some old school rap; 4: While I took a little nap, Clara pulled my sweater off the hanger and put it on

On the way there, we practiced names.

Clara, can you say Casey Anne? "Sasey"

Clara, can you say Emma? "Nemma"

Lucas? Nothing

Micah? "Mamee"

Lucy? Nothing

Elsa? "Salsa"

The only one that stuck was Nemma. And she hasn't stopped talking about how we went bye bye away from Nemma. Someday we'll tell Emma that she became the fifth official person to exist in Clara's world. Fifth only to Mommy, Daddy, Sheeshus (Jesus) and Mine. If you're not one of them, you're still People.

We sure got a good laugh the next morning when we realized we'd left the wipes in the car. We're not used to freezing temperatures, you see, but this wipe container turned into a brick. Kind of like the water bottles we left in the car too. Clara was not disappointed when she saw the snow at Rachel's house. Saturday morning, we all went sledding. Clara kept eating the snow. She loved it every minute we were in the snow.

The whole reason we went was for Micah's baptism, which was Saturday afternoon. This is the second baptism I've been to this month and the second one I cried at. The overwhelming spirit that emanates from some of these children is amazing. After that, we went to Don's parent's for food and had a great time visiting.

Then we went to see our lovely house. Jason has never seen it. It was covered in snow and apparently no one cared to shovel our sidewalk and driveway. Some neighbors we have. :)

Later that night, we had a little gee-tar hero fun. Until then, I might have been the only person I know that hasn't played it. The first (several) attempts were brutal. I got booed, kicked off the stage and mocked. Oh, but I figured it out. I wasn't as awesome as Don and didn't have the concentration of Kathryn, but I made it through a few songs. Good thing I don't have it, I can see how it'd be highly addicting.

Arizona boy meets Utah boy

Clara was excited about something... obviously.

Sunday night Clara got some cousin time. First it was bath time.

Then we read books (I know this picture is blurry, but check out Clara's face... she looks like that fat blob thing on Star Trek/Wars - sorry, I get them confused).

And took pictures

We weren't forgetting Micah in the other pictures... he was just gone. Micah is the sweetest little boy. If I have boys, I want them to be sweet like Micah.

Crazy cousin picture

Then I kind of let the kids run up and down the hallway instead of calming them down before bed time. But look how much fun they were having.

Monday morning, we packed up to leave. Clara was not happy. She didn't want to say bye to her cousins or the snow. So sad.

On our way home, our first tangent was to visit our house. Again. When we went before, lots of people were with us. I wanted to just go with our family. Clara loved looking out the windows and running around. It's four times the size of our house now (not kidding).

Our second tangent was just outside of Page: Horseshoe Bend. If you haven't gone, you should go. It's been a few years since the first time I went and I told Jason it was probably about a 1/2 - 1 mile drive off the road and a five minute walk. Turns out it's about a 100 foot drive off the road and a 3/4 mile walk. :) Woops. But it was still worth it.

I didn't take too many pictures of the actual look out because last time I remember taking picture after picture, attempting to capture what the human eye can see. Impossible.

Clara was really good again on the way home. She stayed dry, even though we took much longer to get home. We did have to make a few more stops for her to use the bathroom. When she gets tired, she loves to hold and snuggle with my hand. She's also been into licking my hand. She thinks it's funny and then gets sad when she realizes I'm not joking around when I tell her to stop.

Near Flagstaff we saw three different herds of elk. See them in this picture?

What? You don't? Oh, that's because they aren't there. By the time I figured out what setting I needed my camera to be on to get beyond the windshield (the aquarium setting, duh), they were all gone.

We had a really fun trip. I was really sad to leave. I've never really been that sad to leave after visiting Utah. My two explanations are 1: Jason was with us so I had no one to run home to and 2: Rachel started a temporary full-time job the day we left and I wished SO bad that I could stay and help her out. What would help her most is someone to help her cook and to watch her kids, two things that are physically impossible for me to do from Arizona. Not that she can't handle it, she's pretty awesome in case you don't know her, but just knowing if I were there I could help made it hard to leave. Oh, but it was good while it lasted.

Half Alive

Where oh where has Anna been? I'm still alive, but I'm certain my brain is only half alive, which isn't alive enough to give a full update on this past weekend.

How, you wonder, did my brain get to such a state?

Thursday night I slept from 3:45 - 5:30 am (in case you don't like math, that's an hour and forty-five minutes). Then we drove 10 hours to Utah and had a rather splendid vacation. Monday we drove 10 hours (okay, it might have been 13 hours if you consider the tangents we took) back home.

Monday night I had to get some work done. Tuesday I had a meeting for work that took about an hour longer than I planned and essentially ate up my entire day. I got a call Tuesday asking if I could go in and help a client meet a deadline today. After being up late Tuesday night with work, I finished off the brain-frying when I arrived home tonight after being gone for 14 hours.

Oh, and it's mold people, MOLD! I wasn't going to say, but I would be mad if someone did that to me. I'm still disgusted. Now just exactly where it is and how it came about, maybe another day. For now, only those good friends that I trust won't turn me into CPS and won't think I live in filth will know the rest of the story.

More to come on our trip to Utah. Here's the view from our back porch. I might be able to get used to that.