January 2014 - Part I

Around the middle of 2013, I took on a new role with one of my clients. Things snowballed and by the end of December, I was working way too much and got much more involved than I ever thought I'd be. Unfortunately, no matter how much I gave, no matter how quickly I responded to e-mails and phone calls (replying to e-mails while at the park with Hazel, talking to lawyers in the Costco parking lot) and no matter how many hours I worked and despite how little I slept, it was never enough. Although they couldn't provide a single example of a time I didn't perform, they said the situation wasn't working out. I came to a point where I had to decide if I was going to defend myself and fight to maintain the level of responsibility that I had, or surrender, step back and possibly lose a lot of work. Backing down and letting it go would make me feel like a failure. But it would also free up my time for other things. Around that time, Hazel woke up from her nap one day and came into my room where she found me working. This was a normal every day thing and usually, she'd hop up on the bed next to me and watch me until it was time to get Clara from school.

This day, however, she said, "Hold me." I tried to get her to sit next to me and she said, "No, I just want you to hold me." I set my computer down, and she laid on me like this until it was time to get Clara. In that moment, I knew what was more important to me and I knew what I needed to do. I was overwhelmed knowing this time at home while my kids are little is precious. I can't get this time back. I felt sick to my stomach for days and worried so much about what my role would be with my client, how we'd survive without that money and what this would do to my reputation. Early one morning, around 4am, I woke up and had impressions that brought clarification and comfort. I was choosing this and this was a result of priorities. If I wanted to work full-time, my client would have me full-time. But that wasn't what I wanted. So I stepped back and not only did my time free up, but the stress the left was incredible. I felt like a different person and I was doing what mattered most to me. My role has changed with my client, but I have been blessed to continue to have a role there. Everything worked out ideally. I don't know how long it will last, but I do know I won't have any regrets when my kids are grown up. 

Onto lighter subjects from the month of January...

Clara's first top tooth was so wiggly and the end of the month. She kept pushing it forward and it looked like she had really buck-teeth. But she refused to let anyone help her pull it out.

In January we set a family goal to memorize all 13 Articles of Faith in 2014. I knew I could use a refresher and I love how it is the basics of the Gospel. Each time we memorized one, we'd go do something as a family, the park, ice cream, etc. Here we are enjoying ice cream. (as of 4.30.2014, we've mastered 1-5).

Margo and Hazel have the most intense love/hate relationship. Although they will be a year apart in school, I think they are going to be really good friends. They are cute together and I love taking them places. Both of them make me laugh and while it's pretty rare to get through a playtime without one of them freaking out about something, overall they have a good time. These pictures are from a trip we took to Riverview Park.