A Brief Life

I'm wiped out and I look wasted. I went to a funeral today that I didn't plan on attending. My mom always reminds me that we have covenanted to mourn with those that mourn. I'm really glad I went. Infant funerals (he was 3 months old) really suck the life out of me. Here are some of the thoughts I had in between weeping:

- The father of the baby is in the Bishopric of my old Ward. I don't think there's a coincidence that the Bishop also grieved the passing of an infant.

- Things like this make me feel grateful and guilty all at once. It's a strange feeling. I am so grateful for my babies. So, so grateful. But these people were just as good (probably better!) and loved their baby so much, just like me. They would have given all they had to save his life, just like any of us would do anything for our kids. It makes me feel guilty for my blessings.

- My heart aches and hurts, really hurts, when I think about mothers who have to deal with the loss of their children. And that's just the thought. What would I feel if I actually experienced something so hard? It is incomprehensible.

- In the last 7 (or less?) years, 4 families lost boys as they lived in our previous Ward. I was thinking about that and how it seemed unusual. But with each funeral, I see some of the parents come to show support. Today I had the thought that it is possible these people knew each other so they could be there to offer support and love that maybe no one else on earth can. They have been there too. They have each other.

- I can't imagine not being able to kiss my baby's cheeks, squeeze my baby's thighs, listen to my baby's sweet voice, etc. It becomes such a huge part of life from the moment a baby is born. I spend so much time touching, holding and loving on my baby. What would I do if in an instant that was gone? I know that the parents will see their baby again. I know the baby will be exalted. It just takes a little extra faith and a little more trust to know that their sorrow will be more than compensated with joy in the eternities. They will miss their baby for such a short time here on earth but enjoy him for eternity. I know that, but it is just so hard to grasp as we live our earthly life. I think it's impossible to completely comprehend how things work out in the eternities, hence the extra faith and trust required.

- I know the Savior provides unimaginable peace to people as they are filled with sorrow. I hope I never know if this spiritual peace and comfort is enough to ease the physical pain of empty arms and an empty crib.

- The Stake President, in briefly talking about opposition, said, "The reason there is so much sorrow is because there is so much love." I think that was my favorite one liner of the day.

I'm looking forward to a long and relaxing weekend. I'm going to rest, spend time with my family and enjoy every minute of it.