I felt like a champion of a mother on Tuesday, which is the day I took the girls to the doctor. Hazel had a little issue* and was given a prescription. When I tried to fill the prescription, the Pharmacist said the FDA has never tested the medicine on children because it's an adult medicine. He seemed rather surprised that it had been prescribed for a baby. That scared me and I ended up not filling it and went home to search for alternative solutions. I was almost embarrassed that I hadn't found out more about the medicine from the PA when she said she was going to prescribe it. By the way she talked about it, I didn't realize it was for adults and I felt a little irresponsible, especially since I am normally so cautious when it comes to medicine.
So on the way out of Fry's, the door greeter lectured me for about 5 minutes on why I shouldn't have left Hazel in her seat behind me while speaking with the pharmacist because "someone could just walk past and carry her off". She was nice about it, but I was feeling pretty lousy about myself before so that didn't help.
That night, I noticed Clara's got an issue with one of her teeth. It almost looks like she chipped one of her teeth. Either way, I think she needs a filling.
It's funny how as mothers, we take this nurturing thing seriously. And if there is anything wrong with our little ones, whether it's our fault or not, it's hard not to feel totally responsible for what they go through. I felt horrible that Hazel had the issue. I felt horrible that I almost gave her something that could have had bad side effects. I felt horrible that I left her behind me with Clara. I felt horrible that Clara had cavities after all I do to prevent them. Days like this make me especially grateful for prayer and my Heavenly Father. It's comforting to know He hears and answers my prayers. I know He will help me make the best decisions for my kids, because He loves them too. I'm not sure how I would be able to raise children without His help and guidance.
Just as I was finishing up the second half of this post, whining about how on Friday I found out Clara does need fillings (at least 3, possibly 4 and maybe a cap**) and that our renter is moving out, Jason told me a family in our old Ward lost their baby this past week. Unfortunately, nothing gives me a bigger perspective check than tragedy. It's hard to understand why some people have to deal with so much. Instantly, going through the motions of finding a new renter a 13 months sooner than planned seemed like nothing. I never would have thought I'd be happy to spend $400+ to fix teeth (that I religiously floss and brush!) if it means Clara is here with us still. And I couldn't think about or look at Hazel without feeling so much sadness for our friend's loss. Life is so fragile and precious.
*After a little research, I was able to get Hazel's "issue" to go away in just three days. See? Prayers are answered. And see? Our children are over-prescribed and over-medicated. Being given a prescription for something that could easily clear up with in a few short days? It can't be good. Why wasn't I given options? Why couldn't we have tried an alternative method and used the medicine as a last resort?
** One of Clara's cavities is pretty big. The strange/annoying thing is, she just had x-rays at our regular dentist 4 months ago and they missed it. We are obviously hoping for only 3 fillings and no cap. I was asking Clara to pray that the big cavity is small enough to avoid having to put a silver cap on the tooth. She said, "No, I'm not going to pray for that. I don't want to because I want a silver cap. I like other colors, not just the white color of teeth." Awesome.
9 comments:
I hate that something heart breaking is my reality check, but it often is...
Bahaha that little Clara. Never a dull moment with her.
That's how I felt when I took Collin in to get his elbow relocated when I was the one who dislocated it. Yeah. I felt like an awesome mother. Not.
I ran across a blog the other day where this mother has a baby with a rare disease that makes his body break out in horrible blisters everytime there is any type of friction on his skin. Just changing his diaper creates horrible painful blisters. He's still alive but the doctors were amazed that he even made it this far (he's 2 years old). The disease already took his eyesight and everyday is horrible for him. The situation put so much strain on his parents that they are going through a divorce and so the mom is doing all of this on her own. Reading about what her day entails and thinking of what it would be like watching your child go through that (she had pictures up) literally broke my heart. As mothers we want to do everything we can to protect our children but how unbearable it must be when it's something we can't fix. That's when I'm grateful for Heavenly Father too because I KNOW He can do the things I can't. That whole day (and even now) I can't put her out of my mind. We are indeed blessed. Heck. I'm blessed beyond belief just to be able to experience motherhood.
You're an awesome mother. There's not a day on this planet I would ever doubt that.
Its hard to feel like your doing a good job at being a Mom, but I am sure your the BEST! Your little girls are so cute, and have such cute personalities! and seriously.... I want to squeeze Hazels legs (akward... I know) I promise if I see you I will ask first! haha.
... and I still come to your blog when i am feeling down, just to peek at that picture of Angela's husband (so funny)
Anna, you're a fantastic mom. Sometimes there are things beyond our control the just happen. And its sad sometimes. But we have each other and we have the gospel. So sad for your friend's loss. A family in our ward just had premature twins and lost them both, but not until a week and then 2 weeks after they were born. I, too, am thankful for my blessings. So glad you got Hazel better sooner. See?
It's funny how tragedy really puts things in perspective. I think we need to get Clara & Cora together their strong personalities would be a riot:)
wow! alots happened & i just talked to you this morning:)!! good think i'll c you tomorrow to talk some more about everything- sorry about your renter and fillings...i'm not sure i'd even pay for fillings on teeth that are going to fall out anyway:) i'm glad Hazel is better :) I'm sure i've beat you in bad parenting at stores anyday, so dont feel bad...honest mistakes:) you are a great mommy:)
Hey, I think I have a cavity too. Want to pay for mine also? Maybe your dentist will do a pay for one mouth get the next mouth free kind of deal.
lesson learned: doctors and prescriptions are usually evil. :)
Those things that are bringing you down are - not to belittle you or anything - but so very minor. You are an amazing mother with fantastic children and all the things you balance in one day - I'm just always so very impressed with you. Seriously. Try not to get too frustrated or be too hard on yourself.
Oh & can I just say that I am so impressed that you floss her teeth? Me - worst mom ever - I have never flossed the twins teeth. Ever. You are superwoman!
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