Fast forward to now where we are back on stable ground. We're no longer in jeopardy of not being able to pay our bills. However, I still say, "When we're rich..." and many of the things that landed themselves on the list before, are finding their way there again. I hadn't really thought much about this until this week when I found myself in a place with lots of people that spend an obviously large amount of time and money on their appearance. As we were driving away, I told Jason I hate being at things like that because all of my insecurities from high school come back to me. I look and feel so homely compared to these people. I did in high school and I still do. Anyway, the following conversation ensued in the car:
J: If it bothers you so much why don't you do something about it?
A: They spend so much money on their hair, clothes, make up, etc. We can't afford that.
J: Well, then let's buy that cheaper house (we had gone to look at a house prior to the event) and then we can afford it.
A: Then I would be insecure about my house. I want both. {Thinking}. Um, actually, I guess it doesn't matter how much money we have, I still wouldn't spend any more on my appearance than I do now.
That's when I realized my problem isn't lack of money. Before, that was just my excuse. The truth is, I don't wish I had more money, I wish I wasn't so passionate about budgeting and hording money. I wish I could go spend money like 'them' and not once consider the prudence of the situation. I wish I didn't cringe when I spend money on something I don't need. I wish a price tag didn't determine my opinion on clothes. Sometimes, I wish my idea of frivolous spending was more like other people. Since I don't wish these things that often, I will instead conclude that some of our plans for when we are rich will never come to pass because the amount of money I have doesn't, and never will, define prudence. Besides, is being homely really all that bad?
16 comments:
So I totally understand what you mean and what you are saying. I came to realize back in high school it doesn't matter what I did or tried as far as looking or spending like "them" I was going to be the way I was and never feel totally accepted by them. (Even when they do accept me I will still feel that way.) I think that's what you mean. Just know you are ok in the way you spend your money and are probably happier in ways that some of them aren't because you don't spend frivolously. You are an amazing person! Don't stress about it.
You know I personally think it would be exhausting to try to keep up the way "they" do. I mean seriously...can you imagine having to keep up with that? I'm glad I can walk out of the house without makeup and being all done up and still feel ok (ok so I admit that if I DID run into one of "them" I would feel homely in comparison). Anyway, I would feel guilty spending money on things like that too (but I don't mind the random makeover every now and then). I know people that are in SERIOUS debt because they try to cover their insecurities through clothes and stuff but the sad part is, it's never good enough for them. They never feel better about themselves even when they keep buying all these things.
Anyway, you definitely are not homely. And just think of what you're teaching Clara. You're showing her it's better to be responsible rather than spend frivolously. I think that's a big favor to her. And it's like Dave Ramsey says - "Live like no one else so you can live like no one else." I really admire how much control you have. If we had that much control our situation might be a LITTLE easier on us! ;) so don't be hard on yourself! You might be surprised how many people admire YOU.
First off, you ain't homely. AT ALL. And compared to you I'm a complete make-up-less slob.
Secondly, I know what you mean with the spending. And I think it would be fun to just ONCE not look at a price tag. Not that I'd do that all the time, but I just wonder what it'd be like. Then I'd go back to being my same frugal weird self.
Oh my gosh - first of all - you are GORGEOUS. Seriously, gorgeous. You are so beautiful I can't believe you would ever consider yourself homely. I am in a state of shock right now.
Ok, I think I'm over it enough to at least comment.
I am the same way - you call it prudence - I call myself cheap! Even when we have a big paycheck, or an unexpected monetary gift or something like that - I still can't ever go crazy. I hmm and hah over every tiny little thing at the grocery store and won't spend more than $20 on any item of clothing - period. I was walking around a store the other day thinking of all the things I'd love to buy and thought - maybe if I won the lottery I could spend like crazy, but even then, I don't think I could. It's just stuff. Unnecessary stuff.
Anna - when I started dating Ryan and met you I felt homely because you shopped at the GAP. I was a Ross person. Now I'm not even a Ross person, I'm a hand-me-down person whose new clothes in the past 6 months have been from Walgreens. Yes, Walgreens dollar shirts.
For me and my homeliness, it all boils down to confidence. Some days I got it, others I don't. I prefer if it sticks around more often and I hope I teach confidence to my girls. I would hate for my girls to grow up thinking they are less of a person because of their appearance.
Nope, not when you're NATURALLY GORGEOUS like you : ) Really, you look beautiful no matter what. You don't need those things to make you look better. I actually think it's refreshing to see someone who is just THEM. I wish I could be that way.
I am also like you - I hate spending money on certain things. I used to buy myself clothes, makeup, etc while in high school. I would spend tons of money on it. But now, I rarely buy anything for myself. I usually always spend my money on things for my home or for my kids. Not sure why, but I just don't splurge like I used to. I used to buy makeup at MAC, but now I get it at Walgreens because it's cheaper.
Nothing wrong with being cheap !
Haha. I was just thinking this week that I ought to dress just a little worse than I do now so I could get on "what not to wear" so I could have $5000 of money "not my own" that I had to use on coordinating clothes and shoes and whatnot.
Last month I bought a $70 pair of really comfortable "every day" shoes (figuring I only buy shoes every 2-3 years so it would even out) and I just couldn't do it. I took them back and continue to wear my old running shoes with everything. I am tacky.
I only wear make up once or twice every other year, so, yeah. Sometimes I feel this same way.
you know me; i'm a spender. i love clothes. and nice things. atleast i won't go into debt from it though (because i'd be too scared to hear it from you when you did my taxes. ha! jk).
speaking of spending... let's go shoe shopping! since i'm buying and all.
p.s. you are NOT homely.
I've learned a LOT since high school. It all boils down to how you feel about yourself. I feel best if I get dressed and ready to walk out the door first thing in the morning. Even if I don't go anywhere. Then I'm not suprised if someone stops by or comes over for just a minute.
I'm also a spender. "Someday" I would love to not have to worry about numbers. *sigh*
You are the most beautiful "Homely" women I have ever seen.
I think every woman has this issue. I'm sure even the ones who do live extravagant lives still fell insecure.
For me it's laziness, I want to be showered and groomed, but rarely do, I want to be skinny- but don't eat right & exercise....Pure Laziness!
you are perfect just the way you are. money is overrated anyways.
how did i never realize you considered yourself homely? that is insane.
but anyway. don and i have a similar saying, "in the next house." we have big, big dreams. me: floor to ceiling bookcases. don: an outdoor kitchen. i'm okay with having to wait until the next life for these things, but that attitude has been a long time in the making.
and to answer your question about being homely. no it's not all bad. as i age and shape-shift and perform other miraculous feats of nature i just focus on one thing. the resurrection. there is a perfect body in my future and it won't cost any money at all.
oh anna....dear sweet anna- i was always jealous in high school of you- you never had to wear make-up and still had that killer smile & were beautiful:) & you may be frugal, but it sure seems to pay off-you always find the best deals---'good things come to those who wait'- i always think -i need to be more like anna when it comes to budgeting--you'll get your dream house soon enough!!
You rock the house Anna. What more needs to be said? You have the perfect attitude about money!
Oh I so know how you feel. My thing is not only do I wish I could afford a little nicer (or more) clothes, but I wish I had the money for some accesories to go with them. I can't ever justify buying bracelets, purses, necklaces, earings. I love seeing them on other people and always wish I had some, but I can't even afford clothes let alone accesories.
Anyways...My second wish is for the world to not be so high on appearances and what not. Why can't we all just have one weeks worth of clothes and one dress for church until they wear out and we need to replace them?
It's hard not let things like that get ya down. I go back and forth with it all the time too. You are not alone.
Boy that was a lot of rambling.
=) I don't even know what to say because your other comments were so great. Just be happy with the way you are... but if you're not happy, change what you want. Great advice, huh? What do you want to do? Is it hair color? Clothes? Stuff? What I did when we finally had a little extra was just buy some jewelry that would dress up stuff I wore. I forget to wear the jewelry out of habit, but I know it's available if I'm dressing up. I don't know... I have a medical spa and I never even go over there (5.5 min. drive) to get FREE stuff done, so I know exactly how you feel. I'm even paying our esthetician to sit around if there aren't any appointments, so shouldn't I be filling some of those appointments in, since it's $22 per hour either way? Honestly. I think it comes down to what your priorities are, and mine at this point aren't sitting in a patient bed getting pampered when there is homework to help with and sweet cheeks to pinch. =) Rachel even has a free facial coming to her (has for the past year) and hasn't been in. Tell that girl to come relax! - maybe after April 15th, huh?
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