Dreams

At nights I have lots of anxiety about reality (I know, I know, where's my faith?). But sometimes reality is quite stressful. To help me go to sleep, I force wonderful thoughts into my head, hoping they become my dreams.

Tonight (last night?) I fell asleep on the couch after tying ribbon on a few gifts. It wasn't too late, but after five hours of sleep, being sick, working all day, making dinner, playing with Clara and working again, I couldn't help it. Jason was out playing basketball and carried me to bed when he got home.

Normally, those are good nights because falling asleep takes no effort. Unless, of course, I wake up to a nightmare, like tonight. There was a man in my house with a gun. Clara was awake so I told Jason to find the man while I got Clara. The man told Jason, he hadn't finished what he needed to do, stepped into Clara's room and pointed the gun at her in my arms. And then I woke up.

It was terrifying. My dreams are SO real and they stir up such strong emotions. I've woken up to many dreams with such real feelings (fear, elation, anger/resentment towards someone, sorrow, frustration, etc.). For a brief moment, I have to very consciously make myself separate reality and the dream. Tonight I woke up and wondered: are the doors locked? Is Clara asleep? Check and check. It didn't take long for the voice of reason to calm me down, but the horror was so startling and made me wide awake. Which means it will take a while to get ready for sleep again (why else am I blogging at four in the morning?).

Then I begin to wonder... is it foreshadowing? Is it symbolic? If so, what does it mean? Am I just concerned with evil in the world or was that a specific warning for me? Then I remember my last thought as the gun pointed towards us: a quick prayer for a miracle that the gun wouldn't work. But then, of course, I woke up, for which I am grateful because now it has become a choose-your-own-adventure book. And I wonder... would my faith be strong enough for the ending I chose?