On My Mind

Annoyed: On a few different occasions a couple weeks ago, I got really annoyed. Each time, it was justified. I would tell myself not to worry about it and try to let it slide, but I couldn't shake it because I felt so justified in being upset. Someone had wronged me and treated me poorly. I got more annoyed thinking about The Golden Rule and how I try so hard to live by it, yet people around me don't always. I take that personal and feel hurt that I'm willing to give and give and give and other people don't. So I thought about it and let it fester and I thought about it some more trying to figure out how to make that feeling going away. At some point during my thoughts, I realized my err: pride. Sure, sometimes other's actions create hurt, but we still are expected to be humble. To be humble, we must forgive and forget not just when we were treated poorly/unfairly, but especially when we think our feelings are justified based on other's actions.

Suicide: In situations of suicide, I mourn just like I would with any other death. However, there is an extra hurt that my heart feels. To think of anyone feeling so low that there is absolutely no reason to continue this life just breaks my heart. That someone is unable to see their divine potential, not to mention the love of so many around them, brings me to tears. Always.

Work: I think work is going to taper off. I'll miss the money but I'm a little giddy thinking about not working so much (it's about time!). Now I just need to make sure to keep a schedule on the days I don't work. Last week I worked about 20-30% of what I worked the previous week and by Friday, we were all about to go crazy. Hazel woke up for her nap and pretty much cried for an hour and a half. Then we went out to dinner and she was happy and pleasant all night. I think she just needed to get out of the house. Thank goodness cooler weather is ahead - that will help.

Determination: I am absolutely determined to de-junk my entire house in the next few days. My house hasn't been 100% tidy since we moved. I still have picture frames leaning against the wall. I am so sick of it and it seems like I went from one time hoarder to another (newborn, work, parties, etc.). I finally feel like I am at a place where I can get it all done. Even my closet. I just need to purge and toss like I've never done before. I might need some moral support.

Potty-training: I decided Hazel only pees in a diaper because she can. So my quick solution is going to be take her diapers away. She was without covering all morning and only peed once - in the shower (she walked into Clara's shower to go). But hey, that's better than on the floor. Besides, now might be a good time to admit when she's in the shower with me, I tell her she can pee in the shower. She was in underwear all afternoon (I even braved letting her wear them to go get Clara from dance) and didn't pee once. The second I put her diaper on, she peed. It made me think she knows when she is going to go but just enjoys peeing in a diaper. So she waited until I put it on.

Exercise: I have been exercising at least 4-5 times a week for a while now. I don't have much time, ever, which is why I love the online workout videos from SparkPeople. I like that I can pick a few different videos to focus on different areas and I love that they have short videos. I do laugh at the warm-ups and cool-downs. Life is my warm-up and cool-down.

"Diet": My darling milk-guzzling, cheese-inhaling meat addict husband has suggested that we eat a more plant-based diet. I have to let the man make his own decisions but I never thought I'd see the day where this was a suggestion coming from him. I went to Costco and bought pretty much the same things I always buy, which made me realize we don't have to make too many adjustments to our current eating habits. The truth is, we eat very little meat around here. The biggest change will be in our dairy consumption. I don't like milk but cheese? Mmmm. It's not like we won't eat animal products anymore, just less, especially dairy. Although Jason suggested we try that, he still makes his smart alec comments. Like asking me if our green smoothie was considered a "whole food" since all the food had been liquefied. Funny honey.

Laundry: A friend and I were talking a while ago about getting stains out of our kids' clothes. We went back and forth about brands and techniques and she ended with: Well, I guess I'm just better than you at laundry. We laughed, but it was true. It seems like 90% of my kids' clothes are stained. It looks like I'm just bad at laundry. Meanwhile, as I was folding laundry today Clara said, "Let's pretend that you are the one that folds all the laundry." I reminded her we wouldn't have to pretend. She continued, "And your name is Mrs. Folder." So tonight I drew a few conclusions: I am very bad at getting stains out but very good at folding.

Over-qualified (& work): Today someone told me I was overqualified for what they are looking for. By overqualified, I'm 100% sure they meant too expensive. Especially since they knew my qualifications when they called. I am okay with that. My plan is to go down to one day a week within a month or so. And according to Clara, that's a perfect balance. Not working at all is too little (they had Grandma withdrawals so we took my mom lunch today) and two days is sometimes too much. I think I agree.

Blogging: Why is there hardly anyone blogging these days? I keep hearing/reading about people that aren't blogging because they get too wrapped up in their online life. I guess I count myself lucky for never feeling like blogging was controlling my life. I control my blog and the time spent on it. If I'm busy, my blogging is less frequent. I like it when people read my blog, but that's not why I blog. I blog for the same reason I have over a dozen journals, lots of pictures and several scrapbooks. It's important to me to keep a record of my family. If no one ever read my blog again, I'd still blog. I blog for me and my children and their children. I blog for friends and family that I don't get to see often, because I like to know what people are up to, and I assume others do too. I'm pretty open and honest on my blog. What's you see is what you get. It's not a place I hold back much and I don't feel like I'm hiding behind the computer screen. Being an avid journaler, I LOVE blogging because a.) I'm more likely to do it and b.) I get to include pictures. So, no matter how lonely the blogging world gets, I'll continue to keep our family's history here. But it has felt lonely lately.