Random Thoughts from 5.4.2012

Jason went camping last night and I was excited to watch a movie and finally get my laundry folded. I put the kids to bed early and fell asleep just after 8pm. I woke up just after 11pm and was too tired to fold laundry, but not tired enough to go back to sleep. So I worked for a few hours. I was looking forward to being able to impress Jason with the laundry being folded, but someone's gotta make some money. Especially since we've had a rather expensive week. We replaced my lap top power cord,

our kitchen faucet (I'll show you before and after once it's installed, but this is the one I finally picked out after weeks and weeks of indecisiveness) and one of our A/C units (the whole thing, which, I'll have you know, is not cheap... but I'll also have you know we got a great deal and I would highly recommend the A/C Doctors).

Plus we had to pay for some A/C repairs at our rental. While I don't enjoy spending that kind of money, it doesn't stress me out like it used to. I actually feel terribly grateful that we were able to pay for it. You see, at the beginning of the year, I was feeling a little anxious about financial uncertainty. I prayed for opportunities to help us prepare for what might lie ahead. In one week's time, I got two new clients and an irregular client called me for help. Just a few weeks after that, I was contacted by some friends asking for help while one of them took her maternity leave. So I worked and we saved and although there are plenty of other things I would have liked to use that money for (like, to save, duh), I am extremely grateful the money was there. I was a little overwhelmed that my specific prayer had such a specific answer so quickly. I learned the hard way that's not always how things work, especially when finances are involved, but for whatever reason, it worked that way this time around and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for it.

Now lest you feel sorry for me having to spend my hard earned money and our life's savings on these necessary evils, know that I also bought myself a new camera this week. It's the one I've been wanting (dare I say coveting?) and Ryan, my personal informant for electronic deals, tipped me off to a deal that seemed too good to be true. Through a 3rd party link, the camera was showing over $300 cheaper than going to Adorama's site directly. In fact, the price this other link was showing was the same price as a used camera from their site. After researching Adorama and feeling comfortable with them as a company, I took the plunge. Now I just need to purchase a lens. And a memory card. Minor details.

So yeah, The Penrods have spent about 2 months of their regular monthly expenditures (including the mortgage!)  in one week. Yay!

Back to my wild sleep schedule... so I was up working and doing mindless things on the computer until about 4:30am, which is when I finally fell back asleep. It's a vicious cycle and one that's hard to break.

I don't usually tell Jason what I want for holidays. However, we were shopping a few nights ago and I decided I miss him wearing cologne. A lot. He used to wear it all the time and then we were so poor we couldn't even afford to think about it. Smelling what he wore when we were dating brought back a lot of good memories. Now that we have some wiggle room in the budget, I decided that's what I want for Mother's Day: cologne for Jason (update, he didn't buy it for me).

I miss Jason. Six months after we got married, I started traveling for work. I'd be gone for a week at a time. It was rough. I always thought I'd die and not get to have his kids or grow old with him. It got easier and eventually, I got pretty desensitized to being without him. When I had Clara, he was still in school and working a lot so we'd leave for a week at a time and go on vacation without him since he wasn't around much anyway. I didn't even think twice about packing up and leaving for a week. But over the last year or so, that has all started to fade. We are apart less, especially over night. I miss snuggling up to his warm body in bed. I miss his lame jokes. I miss making him laugh. I miss his help with the girls. I miss his goodnight kiss. And I miss having him near me, even if  he's just lying next to me asleep.

I've been thinking about time. It seems people always say how fast time flies. I kind of agree with that (more so when I'm working). They also say, "It seems like just yesterday... {insert any event in history here}." So that's where I feel like I'm a little different (crazy?). My mind doesn't just think back to a certain point in time and feel like I'm there again. My mind goes back through all the details of what has happened between then and now and that leaves me feeling like it was not just yesterday, but 100's and 1000's of memories ago. I don't think, Oh, it seems like just yesterday we got married. I think Wow, in the last 8+ years, we have worked, changed jobs, both graduated college, both started our own businesses, gone on trips, including San Francisco, San Diego, Utah, Seattle, Mexico, etc., got pregnant three times, had two babies, bought three houses, sold one house, became landlords, moved, sold a car, bought a car, went camping, enjoyed staycations, etc.. And those are just the major things. Think of the thousands of little memories, like playing games, swimming, playing in the irrigation, going on walks, baking, laughing, singing, dancing, living!, etc. So then I see that it's clearly impossible for that to happen in a day, and yes, we did need 8 years to accomplish that, which means I feel like we got married about 8 years ago, which we did. Maybe this is my way-too-logical self coming out in full force, but that's how my brain works.  I do think one benefit of this is that I don't get really sad when I think of my kids being little. Instead of thinking how quickly time goes by, I think of all the memories I have from that time. Sure my kids are growing up fast, but look at all the memories!