Little Tommy

Tonight was the memorial service for my cousin Tommy that died of a drug overdose last week. He shares a name with his dad, so we always called him Little Tommy. I was not close to him and didn't really know much about him. We would always ask how he was and where he was, but often he was in jail or out of touch with the family completely. It's been years since I have even seen him. He's had a rough life, but I heard several times tonight that he was happy and funny despite his circumstances. Seeing him in the hospital on life support knowing he most likely wouldn't ever regain consciousness was bearable. The thing that got me was looking at pictures of him as a little boy (and discovering his own mother only had 5 photos of him and didn't make it to the funeral {she lives in NY, but still}).

No one knew how short his life would be or the awful way it would end. He started out just like everyone else: happy, sweet, innocent and full of potential. He started out just like you and me. He started out just like my girls. We don't know what the future holds. When I squeeze/kiss/hug my babies, my heart aches for my cousin Tom that grew up without a mother always squeezing/kissing/hugging him when he was little. I wish every child was loved like I was loved by my mother and like I love my children. I do not know his mom's story, but my mothering heart can't imagine having very little to no involvement in one of my precious children's life. When I snuggle into Hazel's neck and hear her giggle or hold Clara's sweet, soft cheeks in my hands and admire her darling face, I can not imagine choosing not to be involved in their life. I can't imagine getting rid of that. It just makes my heart hurt to imagine what parts of his life were like.

I love what my cousin Lisa said about him being in a safe place now. A place free of the substances that took his life and free of the circumstances that made his life rough here on earth. I know my Grandma and Grandpa Melzer are with him. That puts a smile on my face to think of the reunion. I'm glad they were there to hug him. My Uncle hasn't had the greatest relationship with him in the last decade or so and seeing him upset over that was pretty sad. Life is precious. So, so precious.

Angela, Little Tommy and me to remember the care free times of childhood

PS I know my thoughts are all over the place in this post, but I didn't exactly get much sleep last night and I have had a lot going through my mind lately. It'd take hours to make this more coherent so I have opted to leave it as is and move on to happier thoughts. :)