Yesterday I talked about my physical battering, which was a little funny. Today, it's the emotional battering, which isn't so funny (unless it's used for deep frying my emotions, then it might be funny).
You see, we have this house in Utah that we can't sell. Haven't heard about it? Too bad, so sad. Everything about it is awesome. Recently, we had a family ask if they could lease it from us and buy it in a year. They told me all about their current situation, their plans, etc., etc. They divulged a lot and were set on our house. I was a little skeptical because renting would make it used and who knows if they'd stick to the agreement, but I felt really, really good about the situation. I fasted and prayed and still felt good. I agreed to their offer and wasn't quite sure how to react: I felt I should be excited that it was probably sold in a year. Now that sounds odd. Happy, nonetheless, I told a few people and was waiting to get a signed contract.
Early Monday morning I got an e-mail saying they decided to go a different route. Not that I expected everything to go smoothly, because nothing with this house has gone smoothly. But really, after everything he told me, I was totally shocked.
I've felt betrayed on several occasions. It's hard for me every time it happens, but I know I can't control people so I sort through my feelings, work around it and move on. One type of betrayal I've learned is especially difficult to deal with involves betrayal by my own personal feelings. It seems that house has done nothing but that. Everything about the aforementioned situation made sense. I felt good about it (kind of like when we made the decision to do this in the first place... ha ha, I mean, wait, that's not funny). Just the day before, another person was interested in renting it and the feelings were totally different. It didn't "make sense". When things like this happen, my first thought is to blame myself. I get angry at my feelings for "betraying" me. I feel hurt that my feelings would trick me. (Do I sound like I need a therapist yet? :)) Why did I feel good about it if it was going to end up like this? Currently, deciphering my feelings is one of life's biggest challenges for me (maybe Jason agrees?). It's frustrating, it's discouraging and it leaves me feeling pretty lousy. And then when I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be learning from something like this (because certainly not trusting myself is not a good thing), I get even more frustrated. Life goes on... (surprise, surprise).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
16 comments:
I can't tell you how many times things like this have happened to me. I fast, pray and think long and hard about a decision. I get the green light from the Lord, only to have the situation feel like a dead end. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. But the Lord guided you in this direction for a reason. The only thing I can say is to Stick with it and wait for the Lord to do his part : ) If I had the money, I would buy your house in a heartbeat - it's amazing. So just know that if I feel that way, then someone else out there has to as well.
That is so frustrating about the housing situation.
I'm sure a buyer will come along out of the blue and take it off your hands.
I have had this happen to me only a few times. And it's usually regarding someone else whom I am trying to help make the decision. We can never agree, cause we would both feel something different. But in the end it usually turned out how it should.
Where is the house again? Didn't you have a site up for it? My sister and her husband just decided to look in Utah to live. He's looking at a dental practice that's for sale up there, near the Logan area.
You need a pazookie. . . wanna go?
Anna, I know I've said it many times, but I really am so sorry. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this for so long. It makes my heart feel droopy. Sometimes I don't know what we are supposed to learn during certain moments of our trials. Sometimes I think it's not necessarily what we are supposed to learn moment to moment, but it's just the whole process that refines us. That we learn from and grow from. I'm sure the Lord has blessed you and sustained you so that you are able to keep enduring this trial. Maybe sometimes that is all we are supposed to "learn", how to endure and to do it well. This is a trial though that I'm sure won't always be "there". I mean it HAS to end at some point right?!?? Anna, I'm sure your hands have gone up in the air LOTS of times :), but you still haven't given up. You are amazing and here's a hug from me to you.... love ya
Anna
I have no words of wisdom. But I wish that there was something I could say to make you laugh.... Hmmm...
Maybe at least smile: I think you are really pretty and I think Clara is one of the cutest little girls I've seen. And I think you are REALLY, REALLY funny!
Oh man. That is so frustrating! I am so sorry. Someday this really will all be behind you and maybe then it will make more sense, probably not, but maybe :). I guess it is just one of those fun trials in life that never really makes sense. Hopefully something will work out soon. I know so many people in very similar situations. It is so hard.
I do agree... your physical battering was much more funny...haha... you are quite brave to take that on! :)
I'm sorry Anna- what a bummer! You still amaze me- how you handle what life gives ya:) thx for being a great friend!! We need to hang out
Everything is going to be ok. We have a house in Michigan, too. Paying mortgage and rent isn't fun...It was on the market for a year and has been rented for almost a year. Renters are moving out, and now we have to decide what to do.
Somehow it works out. The Lord is in charge and He knows what we need.
I'm so sorry! How frustrating. I wished there was really something i could say to make you feel better.
That is so frustrating. My heart dropped when I kept reading and you said that they changed their mind. I was seriously getting so excited that you were FINALLY getting a break. This is where I wish I could come in with some wise comment about "reasons for our feelings" but I don't understand it most of the time either. Most of the time when I feel good about something, but Brenden doesn't, he ends up being right most of the time. Then it makes me wonder what was wrong with my feeling. I totally feel ya on that one. I have to say though, even without all the answers to life's difficulties, you are SO GOOD at staying positive and realizing the important things in life. Keep it up. And know that I'm here for you anytime. Seriously. Call me if you ever need to.
I don't have any words of wisdom either. That just sucks.
I gotta say though, I don't agree with the philosophy that all trials happen for a reason. I mean, sometimes yes. For sure. But sometimes trials happen because we're mortals living in a fallen world and that's just the way life is for everybody. Sometimes I think if we take the "what am I supposed to learn" route, we feel like it's our fault if the trial is continuing, because if we'd learned what we were "supposed" to learn, then the trial would be over, right? But I honestly don't think it works that way. We CAN learn things from our trials. The Lord WILL bless us and help us through our trials. He can take a hard situation and turn it to our good. But I don't think he looks at us and thinks "she needs to learn X so I'm going to send her trial Y." (Oooh, an algebra analogy just for my math friend!) :)
Anyway, I'm not an expert or anything and could be totally wrong, but that's my personal take on trials in general.
I sympathize with struggling with internal emotions. :( Hang in there Anna. You're an amazing person with a ton of strength. You guys will be okay.
I am so sorry to hear that about your house. I completely understand and unfortunately I can also relate, as you well know. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Focus on Clara, she is such a doll!!
Just when you think life can't get any suckier, it does!!! I know how you feel. Don't you just wish you can fast forward about five years. Wait, it probably won't be any better then.
People suck. We had a townhome and when I got pregnant we decided we'd rather have a house with a backyard. We had three different people agree to either a rent or a lease-to-own deal and they all flaked. We finally found a buyer, but it took an obscene amount of time
I'm sorry Anna. Just hold on to the things you do understand and know to be true and remember that He will take care of the rest. I know, you have heard that a million times from everyone else. Sorry I'm not very original.
Post a Comment