Let's Pretend the Ground is Water...

I believe it is far, far away, near where the ROUS's from Princess Bride reside, where "Creatures" originated. There are a lot of creatures, but Creatures are different. Shortly after we moved into our house, Jason and I found a few Creatures. They were rather small and had the look and movements of a scorpion, but no tail and the pinchers were very near their mouth. We described them as a cross between a spider and a scorpion.

One night, when I was out of town, Jason, Genny and Kimball found a BIG Creature in our backyard. It's dead, curled-up spider looking body was a few inches long. We had no clue what they were, so we started referring to them, ever so affectionately, as Creatures.

One night Jason was on the porch grilling and saw a huge one. I saw him out the window swinging the grill scraper violently. But they are the fastest things I've ever seen. So it got away.

Another night Jason saw one in the street (I can't figure out if he always sees them because his eyesight is so much better than mine or if it's because he HATES spiders and has a paranoid eye for them). We could never catch or kill the big ones because they are too fast.

We were explaining to Jason's friend and his girlfriend about them and she took our computer (we'd tried to find them on the Internet and couldn't), looked up a few things (she happened to know about this museum and figured it might help) and ended up here. She'd solved the mystery. Creatures are Sun Spiders (they are essentially tailless scorpions). But Creature sounds better, so we still call them that. After a little more research, we discovered they are pretty much harmless to humans and actually beneficial to have around.

Boring.

Until last night.

Genny dropped something off and we were visiting by the door. There was a small frog by the giant rocket on my doorstep (don't ask) so we had our eye on it. It turned around, so it was now facing the door and I didn't want it to think he could invite himself in like the toad had. We continued to visit, making sure the frog didn't get any closer. Then Genny said something, I think it was, "Watch out!" so looking in the direction she was pointing, I saw a Creature at my feet, facing me (in the house).

Neither of us had shoes on (not like I'd be brave enough to step on it if I did) so I did what anyone would do. I ran, Genny ahead of me, straight out the door, screaming. I didn't care if the frog jumped in the house, I just didn't want that thing near me. The only bad part about running was we didn't see where the Creature ran to. Did he (reiteration: icky things are always male, ha ha) continue on his path and leave or did he turn around and seek refuge in my house? We sat at the end of the walkway for a bit conjuring up a plan. We decided to run back in, shut the door and look around. If we couldn't find it, we'd safely assume it was outside.

We made it safely in the house without the frog (he just sat, content, at the base of the rocket). I told Genny I needed to give Jason some assurance that the Creature wasn't in the house. She said it was headed out so we agreed it probably went out. She advised me not to tell him at all when I told her he'd be up for hours with a flashlight scouring our entire house.

When Jason came home (he worked late), I told him what happened. He was instantly agitated (he really does not like spiders). I reassured him it was headed out and after all, they are nocturnal so I was sure it preferred to go into the darkness and not stay in the light. My arguments were convincing. Right? Hence my shock to hear that he was not convinced. I knew he would spend too much time searching for it so I kept trying to convince him it wasn't a big deal and even if it was inside (which I was pretty sure it wasn't) it wasn't going to hurt us. He said something about it sucking Clara's blood. And then...

Jason: It didn't go outside, it's right there (Pointing to the base of the couch, um, the one I was sitting on).
Anna: Are you kidding me?
Jason: No, I'm serious. (Note: spiders are no laughing matter to Jason... which is why he was not pleased with me taking all of these pictures)

And that is when the fun (for me) began. I climbed up on the counter and made Jason give me my camera so I could document (much to his enjoyment). Then Jason spent several minutes determining the best way to execute his worst enemy (of the day) while gathering his potential weapons (including his bat, two fly swatters and a ball).We decided the broom was our best bet and Jason decided he might hate the camera as much as he hated the Creature (see img 1). I don't know if Jason can get mad at me... Even here he looks so sweet trying to glare at his wife, sitting on the high counter telling him to smile at the camera. The first swing (see img 2) missed and we weren't sure where it went (or how he missed, check out the determination on his face!). I became the scout and when I saw it just sitting on the inside of the arm of the couch by my computer, I started screaming and ran and jumped on a chair.

That's when I felt like two little kids, playing the game where the floor is water and you can't touch it. I hopped from chair to chair to couch to watch our fun come to an end. After a little more contemplation, Jason smashed the Creature between the couch cushion and the arm then onto the floor (see img 3) and then smashed it repeatedly during the next 30 minutes.
Even after we knew two of it's legs had been severed, he still kept hitting it.

He put it in a bag... and then smashed it some more.
And then he put the bag in another plastic container. Just in case. Just in case it came alive, shoved it's guts back inside its body, attached it's two legs and ate out of the plastic bag.

A kiss for saving the day (someday, when I'm lucky, this boy will love me as much as I love him...)

Don't worry, I got a picture of it before we de-limbed it so no one would think we were exaggerating. Here is the latest Creature in all his glory (I was up on the high counter and zoomed in as far as I could because I was not about to get any closer - even looking at the picture gives me the heebee-jeebees). Now you know why I was screaming, running and jumping... and why Jason wasn't exactly thrilled to be my hero.

Oh, mercy! That thing is nasty.